You wanted it

You got it.

Slow News Day

Sometimes small town newspapers don't have much to print.

Tricky

Apparently in the 60's some French song writer tricked they 60's french version of Miley Ray Cyrus into singing a song about anise suckers that was actually about sucking dicks and it caused a big hub bub. In France. Not here which is why you never heard of it.

Bored

Today I got bored and was reading a boring story about flags when it quoted some dude I know.

Keese Probly Like This

Or Maybe not. But Probly.

Skiing

I think it's time to go skiing again. Turns out I was doing it wrong.

Stare at the dot

Stare it up.

Thai Fighters

Fun fight to wotch.

Moutain Bike Unicycling

My new unicycle is designed for the hardcore shit. So today I decided to try some off road riding. And by off road riding I mean falling down in the woods. Man that shit is hard.

Level 2

I am level 2 now. I finally learned to get on left footed. It was so impossible last week and now I can't believe how easy it is. Level 3 is gonna be tough cause I have to learn how to jump up curbs and go backwards. Not even close yet.

Nerd Werd fun

You can keep saying buffalo over and over like a jackass and it counts as a valid english sentence. Everyone will still hate you though.

Trasfomrmer Owl

Watch yall

Annoyance

One of the downsides of unicycles is everyone always looks at you. No matter what they are doing they will stop and look at you. Also, a lot of people just yell shit at you. They're all "hey, nice going!" or "that looks really hard!" or "your fly's open!" I should charge companies to ride around holding a sign for them cause they would get a shit ton of views.

Dang Ole Hobos

So I was riding my Nimbus around the neighborhood last Friday. I am back up to level 1 again cause I can get on the thing now. Actually I can do all the level 2 tricks except getting on left footed so I should work on that. Anyhow, I was coming home when I rounded the corner on the home stretch and saw a rickety old lady creeping around the front yard. She had long unkempt gray hair and was just ambling around with no apparent purpose.

I hopped off to watch what she was up to when she made a turn and got a look at her face and saw she had a gnarly old beard. I now knew I was dealing with a hobo. I quickly scanned the area and didn't see no banjos so I could only assume it was the stabbin kind. Sick. This dude doesn't need this.

Whatever he was up to he wasn't leaving the yard as I would have liked but just kinda marionette walking around in front of the porch. Finally he starts of the steps and makes like he is gonna go inside. I hadn't locked the door and didn't want a smeller loose in the house so I yelled at him. He froze and backed down the steps and then collapsed in the yard. Great. Free dead hobo.

I just looked at him for a while and I guess he got bored of the ground cause he stood up. When he stood up it was way more agile and lithe than when he went down and it creeped me out cause drunk old hobos have no business being that spry. I wondered if maybe I was dealing with a zombie. You know, one of those zombies that looks half dead but then is really fast and hard to escape when it is chasing after your brains. Terrible.

So He makes to go inside again and I yell again and walk up on him and ask if he is alright. He says nothing but stands with his back to me. I ask again. He kinda grumbles out "can I have a glass of water?". It was at this point I realized that I didn't need a glass of water at all. What I needed was a cooler of beers and a hi five brigade cause what I was dealing with was a wigged out Mark.

I was expecting more awesome dudes to show up but they didn't which was fine cause I know what to do with one. We went and did drunk go-cart racing then ms pacman football beers till Sunday when he had to leave. Best weekend ever.

Cool Squid

Animals are awesome.

Got New Unicycle

I wore the shit out of my little baby unicycle already so I had to get another one. Got a Nimbus 2000. I wanted a Firebolt but that thing was way too expensive. Not sure why they name unicycles after brooms.

The Nimbus is a bad as 26" heavy duty thing. I had a 20" and was a level 1 according to the skill level thing I found online. On the 26" I am a level zero again. That thing is hard to get on. It is a dream on the grass though. The little girl used to get caught up in divots and send me sprawling but the big boy rolls right over that shit.

Of course I can't really turn either.

German routing

Ok, for some reason my internet in NC is routed through a server in Germany. So what happens is my stuff is translated by computer into German and then retranslated back into English by computer. This caused some confusion at first but I am now aware of the issue so that explains some things. I recently went to check out some of the songs I have posted online and was somewhat baffled. Let's see if you can figure out which song the fourth reich is rocking out to (keep in mind these are songs that I wrote that the Germans hijacked to scare their children with):

Kick Ass Band (Mehr lesen)

The Gross Train (Mehr lesen)

Real Life Horror Movie (Mehr lesen)

Nother New Song (Mehr lesen)

2 New Songs Up

Level 1

Ok. I feel ok saying I am a level one unicyclist now. I can no get on the stupid thing and ride. Level 2 will be a while coming cause I will have to get on left footed which I have zero practice at. Will take several weeks.

New Uni

Well I wore out the tire on my unicycle already. Need to get a good one I guess. I was looking for a new one online when I came across this nice looking 26 incher. Below is the copy from the catalogue. Let me know if it sounds good:

Nimbus 26 "Unicycle Plenty - Atramentous is innate to numb Muni - coat with a high-challenge obtuse that takes you from the sill to the abundance of huge valley, and everywhere in between. With 26-inch animated anatomy, which is innate in most stain appulse throw caution, while this aeon large army in a mountain style is accessible from any location chosen. Excellent for emergency descent and ascent is arduous capable of high performance 26-inch Nimbus worth living rim.Assembly is appropriate and can be carried out over 30 or under account with the procedure: Cut the bench if the column is been adapted for use mill grinder, or aqueduct bench cutterInstall framePlace wheel column to assimilate into the pedals on a unicycle frameAttach 09inch neck pain armsSpecificationsBlack Nimbus gel saddle with KH and output handle25.4mm lift bench x 300 mm column with aluminum or chrome Live elliptical output support (4-holes), clamps Seat column, the tabernacle with aluminum powdercoat Nimbus atramentous boltBlack folding 26-inch Nimbus II anatomy made by 4Animate 130 CrMo with 42 mm sleeves machined main-cap and address Magura mounts36 anchoring holes animate Nimbus ISIS gazebo familiar with CrMo spindle and 100 measures bearing14G centermost centermost address. Stainless steel chrome spokes of the wheel, 259 mm wide with 26 inch rims 3xNimbus with 36 holes, 42 mm aluminum power advanced double wall with eyelets able ERD strip26inch circle 544Rubber 2.7 x 3.0inch pipe sizeDuro Wild Leopard annoyance - 26 x 165 mm 3.0inch atramentous Nimbus Venture crank made from 7075 T-6 aluminumAluminum appearance DX pedals with pins 16/09 threadsApproximate Aeon Weight: 17 lbs.About Nimbus amount UnicyclesNo ridge unicycle has wheels for Nimbus Unicycles you. Freestyle unicycles Tour MUNI Studies and Giraffe are innate in all-Nimbus summit which has been in place, it produced an arc Nimbus unicycle names

Unicycle

I am probably one of the best level zero unidorks there is. I just rode all the way down the street and back in one turn, 350 yards, but I can not get on the damn thing.

Still Level Zero

Got a unicycle recently. Crazy hard. There are 10 levels of unicycle mastery posted online. I am still a level zero cause I can't get on the damn thing without help.

Jock and I are gonna have a joust next time I am down In BR if he will hurry up and get one.

Friends

So how much fun are me, Paul and Martin having on their visit it NC this weekend? I'll put it this way. Marin just shot a beer can off my head with a BB gun. NEXT.

Skateboard Trick

Not bad.

Old one

I had completely forgotten about this one but for some reason remembered it today.

Optical Illusions

Are awesome.

Why Come

Humans ain't got no super powers?

LIKE THIS

Cycle Ball

This seems like something me and Jock would invent.

SNIT!

How much free time do Japanee people have anyway?

Video Making

Well, you do have a dog. So how bout spending a month making THIS video?

Holy. Effin. Crap.

It's hard to imagine anything more fun than this shit right here. If I had this setup I can assure you Scoot and I would spend entire months at time making these videos.

Sweet-ass Freya soundtrack too.

Rude Awakening

So what do I wake up to this morning? Simultaneous Charlie horses. Both calves. About 30 seconds worth. I am kinda injured now and walking hurts.

Still Shitty

You know what they still have that I haven't thought about in years but still is every bit as terrible as I remember?

Horse Flies.

Fantasy Horror

My brother had his horror story published on ESPN. Here is the link:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?id=5418774

You learn Something New Every Day

Did you know you can find a silver quarter just on sound alone? I figured it out just today. I accidentally dropped a few quarters on the ground. One of them was really loud and a lot more beautiful sounding than the others. I picked it up and looked at the date. 1944. Silver. I got a handful of quarters to see if I could pick it out blind. Every time. Easy. Try it yourself.

Learning is fun.

Staying Young

You know how when you are a kid you will watch the same goofy thing over and over and over? Well I have watched THIS VIDEO at least 200 times.


AND THIS. My favorite (besides the kick ass song) is how one dude's only job in the band is just to jump around and overhead clap.

World Cup

World class soccer dudes are amazing. Except for one thing. Why the hell do the shoot over the top of the goal so damn much? A shot over the top is the same as no shot at all. And low shots are harder for the keeper to handle. Look at the USAs win today. The only thing that weak shot had going for it was that it was low and the goalie was too lazy to get down and play it right. If it had been in the air he woulda easily caught it.

I think the reason the elites shoot high is cause it looks so much cooler when it goes in. But c'mon man. Just try to win. Right?

Dont Be Sore

I have gotten horribly bored of jogging. So I have started playing soccer in the park. I was so sore I could hardly walk after 2 days and had to take a few days off. Today I felt better so found a pick up game.

So sore I can hardly walk.

Links of the Day

How the hell did this get through the marketing department?

Werkin out

I started working in some of the old Body for Life techniques to the run. Which means horrible burn out. So now instead of just slowly plodding along and hating myself, I sometimes have to almost sprint and hate everything. For the grand finale I sprint up this 200 yard long 80 feet vertical stretch in the park. Death. I haven't been able to finish it yet. Only get about halfway. The depressing thing is I am a lot worse now than when we started the body for life thing so I have a ways to go before I even get to look like this...

Taste

What is going with tasting? How can I do it? How is it that I can taste my knife and it never fades but gum taste goes away in 5 minutes? Does tasting absorb a partical or not?

Links of the Day

Martin actually came up with this theory on his own based on nothing more than his own experiences with every day jerks.

Horror in the Park

I have been trying to get out of the completely horrible shape I am in recently. I have been going for a jog in the park near my house everyday for 6 days now. It is wretched with no signs of getting more fun any time soon but I am trying to stick with it. Yesterday I was out at around 2 in the afternoon. It was perfect weather. Not too hot and as bright and sunny as it had been on 9-11. Not a cloud in the sky. It was actually pretty enjoyable apart from the unbearable jogging.

When I was done I started the walk home through the park. I wasn't entirely tired so when I passed by this area that said "Forever Wild, No Dogs off Leash EVER" I decided to go see what was going on in the gated off area on the other side. It was pretty much just thick woods with a little dirt path through it. I have recently watched David Attenborough's Life of Birds so I figured I would try my luck at seeing something weird.

No such luck. Only a few robins and a couple of starlings. See those every day. Only weird thing I did see was about 400 yards in were two gansta dudes hanging out along the path whispering to each other. I couldn't tell if they were Bloods or Crips or something else but they were nice enough to stop whispering and give me a nice little stare down as I passed. Like it was somehow strange that I was walking around in the woods.

I kept going for another half mile or so before I decided that I wasn't gonna see anything good and to head back. I was near the west side highway with nothing but a little bluff between me and Grant's Tomb. Rather than go back past the whispering G's I calculated I could do better by ascending the bluff and getting a pretty slick short cut. So, up I went.

It wasn't too steep so I made quick work of it. As I got about ten yards away from the iron fence that separated the woods from the manicured section I noticed a black duffel bag against one of the trees. Now who the hell would put a duffel bag out here? Of course I knew it was almost certainly full of filthy Hobo drawers but what if it turned out to be a bag of money? My life's ambition has always been to find a bag of money so why not take a quick peek? In fact, now that I was thinking about it it made perfect sense. Those two gansta dudes had been running from the cops or their rivals with a bag of money and threw it into the woods to pick up later and couldn't remember exactly where and that's why they were skulking around in the woods on a week day. Obviously.

I went over to the bag. It was unzipped. I could see something was wrapped up in a sheet of some sort. Bright yellow and pink cartoon animals on a backdrop of white. A baby crib sheet. Still well aware of the likelihood of discovering a mess of vagabond socks filled with diarrhea I gingerly grasped the cleanest part of one of the handles and gave it a little lift and shake. The bag was much heavier than I expected. Whatever was in there was pretty solid. The sheet fell away just enough for me to see a part of it. A round form. A round form with wavy locks of light brown hair.

The handle of the bag slipped through numb fingers. I scrambled away to the iron fence as a sick, hot wave of horror washed over me. I didn't need to see the rest cause I already knew exactly what it was. A head. A human head. Some maniac had put a severed human head into a bag and chucked it into the woods. Oh lord what do I do? I gotta get out of here before they come back. Maybe they are watching me now, (look around) don't see anyone, I am probably ok but no telling.

So now my thoughts turned to calling the police and telling them about the grisly find. I instantly realize how stupid I am gonna feel calling up the cops and saying I found a head. I also got over the original shock and started to convince myself it couldn't possibly be a real head and I would surely get in trouble for pranking the cops. They would easily trace my call if I tried to call anonymously and would want to know why they hell I wasted their time on a mannequin head in the park. There would probably even be a penalty or fine for a false 911.

So I guessed I would just go home and forget about it. But why was it so heavy? It was about 8-12 pounds. That's Human head weight right? If someone was going around satchel heading people I totally have to tell on them. I don't need some crazy Taliban or Imam getting away with murder on my watch. Only one thing to do. I had to go back and see for sure what I had there.

But ooooooh man did I ever not want to. I was so scared. Much more scared than when I got mugged. I had to psych myself into it. It was only a dummy head. Someone threw a dummy head into the woods. That's all. But why so heavy? Dummy heads are light. Ok, someone put a wig on a bowling ball and threw it into the woods. I couldn't think of any other good things it might be. I was drawing blanks on things that look like human hair as much as that thing did so it wasn't working so well.

As I approached the bag again I had kinda convinced myself that there wasn't anything horrible gonna be in there. There couldn't be. That would be ridiculous. But then I saw the flies. And the beetles. And the millipedes. And then, the stench. The horrible stench of rotting flesh. No mistaking that smell. I don't know how I didn't notice it before. It was putrid. Maybe it was pretty well contained till I stirred it up but was it ever NOT contained now. Holy Mercy. I gagged a little bit. No question now. It's a rotten human head. I am gonna die.

I knew what I had to do but I did NOT want to get any juice on me or have to get too close to the thing. I looked around on the ground till I found it. A sturdy stick. About 3 feet long. Both arms shaking like I had hypothermia I jabbed one end into the baby sheet and spun it around like a fork in spaghetti until it was pretty well secure. All that was left now was to lift it out of the bag and let the head fall out of the sheet so I can see.

But I couldn't do it. It would be impossible to overstate how terrified I was. The main thing I dreaded was if as it was revealed from the sheet it would roll over and look at me. Stupid of course, but at the time it seemed like an almost certain outcome. The second thing I kept thinking was I didn't want any loud screeching violins to start up on the big reveal. The Manhattan school of music is nearby so that was not entirely impossible. I also briefly considered that it would turn out to be my own head like Luke Skywalker but I was able to squash that one pretty quick.

I don't know how long it took me to work up the nerve. It seemed like hours. Certainly well over five minutes were spent crouched over that disgusting thing breathing in the vomit inducing fumes. Finally I got my nerve. With an eruptive plume of flies, beetles, millipedes and stench I hoisted the filthy bindle from the duffel. For an eternal second it hung in the air before slowly unrolling and landing on the forest floor with a sickening thud.

A dead Cocker Spaniel.

Up the River

Mugger pled guilty today. 5 Years in the big house.

Links of the Day

When we make our movie this will be the opening credits.

Pic of the Day

Doctor Doctor Please

The shitty thing about the first Dr. Dr. song below is that the non-Bruce Dickenson singer guy sucks and hits wrong notes all the time flat style. The singing in the original is tons better. But the guitars in Iron Maiden crush the original. They need original singers Maiden guitars. Or just get Bruce to re sing it. He won't fuck it up.

Links of the Day

I am sure you have already seen video of this stupid union lady. People like this is why the kwon soo was invented.


I you wanna have a kick ass song, just go ahead and call it Doctor Doctor.


SEE?

Soccer

Ok, I admit I am excited about the world cup. Anyone else? I forget how exciting soccer is till the world cup comes around. Then I immediately forget.

Pic of the Day

Goddamn volcano in Iceland is contributing majorly to man-made global warming.
Stupid man.

Pic of the Day

Eskimos are creepy. I didn't know that they feast like beasts on raw elk. I don't really know much about Eskimos but I've been told a thing or two...

Pic of the Day

Unfortunate restaurant names.

Pic of the Day

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Stuart Visits Egypt

Pic of the Day

Pic of the Day

This guy represents everything Keese hate about the ipad. He reeeeeaaaally wants people to notice him and his precious.

So smug.

Pic of the Day

Happy Easter Y'all!

Pic of the Day

Why yall didnt do this when yall were there?

Books to Hold and Read

Yeah, that's right. I read books. Everybody look at the fancy boy. OOOOOOOO I think I'm soooo smart and like to say how the movie isn't as good as the book they made it from. Fine. Here is a list of books. It is not top ten list of the all time best books or anything it is just a list of books that I have read that are awesome. If you have an Amazon Ken Doll you should put these on it. Please tell me some awesome ones you know about that I haven't read and I will get on it.

The Autobiography of H.L. Menken.
(or the full trilogy "Happy Days", "Newspaper Days", and "Heathen Days")

You should actually read anything that Menken wrote. He is fantastically funny and clever. He didn't write fiction but was a newspaper editor and book reviewer and as a wonderfully funny way of describing everything. He also is responsible for coming up with a lot of the common expressions used today such as "those who can do, those who can't teach".

His autobiography is basically just a collection of amusing anti-dotes from his life. A couple of my favorites are the one where he and his buddy are desperately seeking alcohol in Tennessee during prohibition and another one where this fat bastard in a tavern eats and drinks absurd amounts and everyone bets on it.

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (Mark Twain)

I am such a bad ass that this has been my favorite book of all time long before I even knew that the literary community generally agrees. If you haven't read it yet, get going. It's a story of a boy in antebellum Missouri who escapes down the Mississippi river on a raft with a runaway slave. It is a great story but more importantly is very well written and has a subtext of social commentary and is laugh out loud funny in places which is hard to do with a book.

A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court (Marcus T'Wayne)

As with Menken you should pretty much read anything Twain wrote. He was cleverer than you and writes better than basically anyone. This one is about a Connecticut yankee man who somehow gets blasted back to the middle ages and has all kinds of trouble and adventure with the idiot mindset of middle ages jerks. It is also a commentary of stupid crap of current society. There are some laugh out loud bits in this one as well.

Mysterious Stranger (Mark Twain)

I don't want to give away any spoilers on this one. It is probably my second favorite book and isn't funny at all. In fact it is absolutely soul crushing.

Harry Potter. All of them. (JK Rowling)

I know these are supposed to be children's books but they are well written and fun to read. I also don't need to hear about plot holes and implausability. It's not "believable shit that could actually happen", it's "the magic boy who flys around on a broom". Calm down and enjoy yourself.

Lord of Them Flies (William Golding)

A plane load of English school boys crashes on a deserted island during WWII and no adults survive. This one is an absolute treat.

Catch 22 (Joseph Heller)

This is a WWII novel that is so cleverly written and funny I have to read passages again to re-enjoy. It is set mainly in a bomber squadron camp. There are quite a few wonderful circular logic conundrums that arise in this one. The main one goes like this. If you are crazy then military rules say you don't have to fly your dangerous mission. However, if you don't want to fly your dangerous mission then that proves you are sane because only someone who is crazy would want to fly it. Since you are sane you now have to fly the deadly bomb run. There are also a lot of interesting situations and side stories. My favorite being when the guys go to visit the fat French whore who attracts business by snapping her huge panty waist at the guys passing by.

Watership Down (Richard Adams)

This is the story of bunny rabbits that hop across the countryside in search of a new home. Sounds terrible. It isn't. Martin always says it's not the story so much as the telling that makes it good and that is true of this one. I also recently found out this one has a sea quill so I will have to check that one out to see if is even close.

Of Mice and Men (John Steinbeck)

Two drifters go work on ranch for a little bit. One is normal, one is a big strong dummyhead who likes to pet furry animals. Another example where the telling makes all the difference.

To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee)

This one is kinda like two books in one. There is the first part where it is about a girl in I think it was small town Mississippi growing up. Then midway through it turns into a whole racial injustice thing with a black dude falsely accused of raping the SHIT out of a white girl.

Pic of the Day

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Aphorisms

With Communists, expect Communism
(Nilk)

The minute someone decides to run for politician is the minute they decide to stop pretending they are a good person.
(Me)

House Passes Medicare Bill!!!!

So long America. We hardly knew ye.

Aphorisms

I am making a list of some of my favorite aphorisms. These only count is someone I know made them up though. Anyone can just go read a book of famous people's.


People are stupid.
(Chappie)

If someone goes out of their way to tell you a principle they live by, the opposite is true.
(Chappie)

Crazy people are CRAZY
(Lilero)

"Will Work For Food" means "Will Beg For Drug Money"
(Me)

If someone offers you a breath freshener, Take It.
(Me)

If the train is packed except for one car that only has one guy in it, do NOT get in that car.
(Me)

Never listen to a woman's advice on how to pick up women because she has never actually done it.
(Me)

Always Smail the milk before you take a swaller.
(Martin)

Never argue politics. The only thing you will ever convince anybody of is that they hate you.
(Me)

Whenever you find a really good parking spot, be prepared for a ticket.
(Keese)
I will add more when I think em.

Adoption

What is up with adoption? How come some people have kids they don't want and get stuck paying child support for 18 years while others get to just shovel theirs off with no obligation? What's the catch?

Humans actually are Badass

I have always been kinda disappointed at how shitty humans are compared to other animals. Other animals are complete badasses. They are lighting fast, strong as shit, agile and lithe and pretty much physically kick that all hell out of humans at everything physical. I always figured it was due soley to craftiness that allowed humans to be the dominators we are but I recently read some biology shit that points out that humans are actually really much better at some physical things I hadn't thought of before.

1. Walking. That's right walking. Get up and take a few strides. Easy as hell right? You damn right it's easy and as it turns out humans are better at walking than any other creature. Due to our wonderful sense of balance and leg bone structure we use the least amount of energy to walk of any animal. Even animals closely related to us like the chimpanzee use 4 times the amount of energy walking around. Other animals get there quicker, but we get there easiest.

2. Running. Distance running that is. In a sprint we get crushed by everything but our easy walking gait turns into a sustainable run that we can keep up for hours on end. You may not believe it but if you are in good shape you can outrun a gazelle. I actually saw a nature show where these tribal savages ran after a gazelle for 3 hours. At first the gazelle just sprinted away from them but eventually it got so hot and exhausted it said "fuck this" and collapsed on the ground. The humans who use less energy per mile and can sweat buckets (another thing we are really good at) didn't over heat and collapse and just walked up and bonked it on the melon with a brick.

3. Getting Fat. There are a few animals really good at this and we are one of them. Bears and pigs and whales kick ass at it too but we are up there. You may hate it when trying to pick up chicks or trying to avoid being mocked by your friends but your fat gut is huge advantage to have if you are an animal. And you are so congratulations! This one is pretty obvious. When you run out of food you just use your embarrassing fat to power yourself along to catch more gazelles. Other monkeys and primates kinda suck at being fat.

4. Throwing shit. Humans are the best throwers of shit. I know I have been to the zoo and saw the gorrilla throw the shit out of some shit. He could really chuck it far because he is so damn strong but it turns out not only can humans throw farther, we can hit what we are aiming at. There aren't really even that many animals in contention on this one cause very few even have hands but we beat em all. And being able to throw shit makes you a huge badass compared to other animals. A wolf might be able to tear you to bits with his scary teeth but not if he gets blasted in the face with a rock first. Also picking up a stick and wapping something with it is a big plus too and is kinda like throwing but without all the letting go part.

So anyway. There you go. Go walk around and throw things at other things and feel good about your fat ass. You're the best!

Birthday Presten

Someone Please get me THIS

Fun games

Hey.

Any of yall jerks know any fun free games to play on the computee? Post em prix.

Superbowl replay

Is there anywhere online that has the whole Superbowl replay? I can find highlights but I wanna see the whole damn thing again.

Mondegreens

Mondegreens are awesome and are the source of endless amusement to me. The origin of one of the bandnames I was in when Martin thought Mark said Sir Cadillac.

Usually mondegreens occur when you can't figure out song lyrics. A few of my favorites:

Lilero used to think that Rock the Casba was saying "block it with asphalt"

I thought Dirty Deeds Done and They're Done Dirt Cheap was "thirty theives and the thunder chief"

When I was about 5 or 6 my sister told me that Big Girls Don't Cry was actually saying "niggers don't cry". If you listen to this song maaaan does it sound like it.


I can't remember all of but hit me up with some cause I love every one.

More Union

I also hate how the union thugs act in general. Every email I get they are addressing each other as "brother" and "sister".

"Thank you Brother Joshua for the great point about local 802. Sister Alison will be happy to educate you on anything you are unsure of".

Dadburn creepy.

Union Mentality

Some dude I know is in some musician's union. He is trying to do something or other all the time and is a big pain in the ass. So the other day I get this email from him.

Please do not debate whether a musician playing in a club is an employee or an independent contractor with anyone. Please don't seek recognition for yourself through an organizing drive. Keep quiet. Be discreet. Don't become a loose cannon. Don't develop a case of diarrhea of the mouth. Hushhhhhhhhhhhh!

Thank you.

What the fuck? Some fuck head wants to tell me what I I can or can't talk about? I sent him this reply.

I'll talk about whatever I want, whenever I want.

You're welcome