Rich's Links of the Day

One Brave Ass Donkey.

Queen's Song For Highlander. Why don't they have sweet ass bands do full sound tracks for movies anymore? Cause no one is awesome as Queen anymore? Anyway, enjoy one of the few videos where Freddy Mercury doesn't look the slightest bit gay. He even screams "bring on the girls!"

Any video that casts Kirk as lead villian is alright by me.

Set List

Pick me a set list for the 12th. I will probably do about 24 songs. Give me half Mann half awesome.

Audition Passed

Let's face it, can't no one turn out a bar room like me. I got invited to play a preliminary at some dive downtown Wednesday to see if I was good enough for a full slot. Me and Miss Betsy arrived at this underground dungeon called Jimmy's at around 9 and met this dude who said we could play one quick song. 12 songs and 4 free beers later we got ourselves a date Thursday Feb 12th at about 9:30. It is a tiny little place so it is only gonna be a duet and no full band but any Classaholics are welcome to come anyhow.


(Must be The Boom Shaka Laka Laka Boom Shaka Laka Laka Boom Shaka Laka Laka Laka Laka Blues cause no Betsy)

I am gonna kick my own ass and make myself finish "The Prettiest Girl in the Bar" which I have been lallygagging on for months now. Also "Hard Drinking Woman" is another tragic incomplete that needs to be remedied.

50 Greatist Guitar Solos

(Pictured is Ted Nugent. This is just the face he makes when he gets really into the solo)

Guitar World did a list of the 50 greatest guitar solos. I am sure Markulus and Nilk have plenty of opinions on the matter. I myself am just sad that Not Anymore did not make the list.

Awesome Old School Country Song

The Highway Man



This was probably the best song from The Highway Men. A country version of a boy band featuring Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson and Wailing Jennings. They formed in 1985 and got together every now and then for concerts and recordings until Jennings died in 2002.

Rich's Links of the Day

The Global Warming Scam. Another article from the founder of the Weather Channel.

British Airways will allow in flight texting. Why the hell can't you use cell phones already?

Dolphins prepare their food like chefs. This article dont give chefs enough credit.

A hospital is gonna pay to have a ghost exercised. How do they figure out who to pay? Why not pay me? I can do the exact same job as anyone when it comes to chasing ghosts. Which is to say nothing. Everyone knows you can't chase away ghosts.

Time Lapse Film from Antarctica. Antarctica looks like an absolutely horrible place to be.

Black Snake Eating a Rattlesnake. Now what's gonna kill the horrible black snake?

"Girls" Rifle Team from 1925. Were people just uglier back then or has fashion fixed us?

Miller Ads

Miller has bought a slew of 1 second ads for the Superbowl this year.  They are trying to be quirky and I kind of like it.  The idea behind it is why buy million dollar 30 second ads when you can buy many more 1 seconders for cheap and still be effective.  I found a collection of rejected ads that give you taste of the high life.  

Rejects

Teaser

Rich

Last time Rich was in town he and Scoot and me were getting ready for a gig and Rich was trying to remember all the great songs he had written. I guess our setlist was a little lacking. He couldn't remember enough of them but I found them on my computer today, from an IM that he sent me a couple of years ago. I'm just glad to see a hobo song in there. Topical.

dog song
i drive the truck
home town woman
I still believe in jesus
aint like what baby does
daddy dont live here no more
biscuits
southern pussy
the sun shines brighter
she caught my eye
two shots of whiskey
I got whiskey
boom shaka laka blues
yer name in my heart
grandma used to sing
paternity test
i got sally pregnant
girl im gonna marry
devil in her draws
watch the dirty bitch die
growing old together
i love you and shit
chinese pussy
no such thing as allah
daddy's little girl
it doesnt count
put yer back into it
southern bound
people's exhibit A
Best Mistake
#1 Fan
Do you take this gal to be your bride
Them dudes is gay
crotch full of crabs
grampa please stay out of grandmas underwear drawer.
party gurl
dandylion
how come god dont do no good stuff anymore
dancin with the faggots
pull em out throw em back crack another beer.
I can i will i want to
leavin again
43 hobo
clap yer hands
own design
hard livin man
47 yer own damn fault

Pointless Question

Economic Crisis

If you were given unlimited power to fix the economic crisis presently what would you do? Is anything currently being done even close to correct? Does anyone have any idea what the hell they are doing?

Rich's Links of the Day

Both Parties Hate Marijuana. When will it be legal? It's not like everyone I know that want marijuana doesn't have as much as they want all the time. What's the point of keeping it illegal?

Ten cool future things I wish were present.

George Jones

Here is the video of Sam going after the possum on top of our 6-foot fence. It just sits there, teeth bared, not even trying to abscond. You'd think he would high-tail it out of there. Sam almost closes the deal at the end, but he too fat.

Rich's Links of the Day

Was Girl Really Possessed in Class? If you have to ask the answer is definitely yes.

Peta's Slutty Vegetable Chick Video. Has any chick ever acted like this all alone?

Movie Review: Lord of the Rings

I found a movie review I did a while back here it is:

martin and I saw Lord of the stupid rings last night. I might have liked it more if I had not been preoccupied fantasizing about killing myself due to the incredible heat in the theatre. It was ridiculous. we were literally sweating inside a place we went to enjoy ourselves. I seriously considered taking my shirt off but I didn't want the hassle of fighting off all those ladies like so many orcs. To make matters worse the movie was 17 hours long. man was I glad when it finally ended and we were able to get out into the wonderful, wonderful, wretched cold rain.

the movie was ok.

Iran Nukes

So they are saying Iran will be getting nuclear weapons this year. Is it just a matter of time until the USA is nuked? I mean, won't all it take is for a terrorist to get a hold of one? They definitely want to crush us. What's stopping them if they have one?

Pointless Question

Torture


How long would you hold up under torture? I think I have a high pain threshold but I think I would spill my guts immediately. That's because any kind of real torture I can think of is gonna be permanently disabling. Start clipping off fingers or and kind of testicle shit and I am outta there. I can deal with pain but lifelong screwed up is too many for me. Here is a future transcript of my interrogation.

Interrogator: Where is it?

Me: FUCK YOU! I"ll never tell you SHIT!

Interrogator: I might have to torture you.

Me: It's in the garage.


(If all you're gonna do is give my dong dinger the thumbs up I could probably go a few years though)

The Simpsons

Does anyone watch this show anymore? I haven't seen it in years but it was on tonight while I was cleaning and I watched it. Holy shit was it bad. I seem to remember Nilk writing off this show about seven years ago, but since I was never that into it in the first place I didn't pay much attention. But man it was so much work just to get through it.

Also, what ever happened to Invader Zim? Remember that cartoon on Nickelodeon? I used to love that show.

Bum

I saw my bum friend again today. He was at the same intersection on the opposite corner. We gave each other the stank eye.

Worldwide Dance

Here is a video of some dude trying to do Martin's dance all around the world and screwing it up.

Movie Review: Slum Lord Millionaire

Martin and I saw Slum Lord Millionaire last night. Nothing particularly interesting happened except that we noticed that almost every Indian actor seems to be a ethnicized doppleganger of someone in America. Here is a list of our comparisons:

Jamal (lead character)= Indian Micheal Phelps
Salim (lead's brother) = Indian Tate Grafton (dude we went to highschool with)
Mayak (main villian) = Indian Peter Gallhager
Police Chief = Indian Manoj Tewari (Indian guy I buy diamonds from on 47th street)
Quiz Show Host = Indian Joe Pesci
Lakita (lead girl) = Indian slut

I think forgot some. If you see the movie let me know any I missed.

Morale: Indians love when several hundred people dance in unison.

Pointless Question

No Alcohol

Would/could you give up Alcohol for a full year for $100,000? How about $10,000 for 2 months?



I would rather opt for the 2 month version even thought the payout is at a tons worse rate. A full year would be rather torturous. 2 months would be pretty easy to do I think but I would hate those 2 months and also all of my friends. Hanging around drunks sober is unbearable.

Things Everyone Loves That Actually Suck

The NBA

How d0es something so wonderful and exciting as college basketball graduate into the bore fest that is the NBA? I don't even know exactly why it's so boring. It seems like it should be good. Bunch of dudes running around dunking on each other. Sounds exciting right? Nope. Terribly boring. If you can figure out how to make it interesting let me know.


(I wish we was playing Wallyball Coach)

Rich's Links of the Day

Wieght Loss. Why you should never let yourself get up to 600lbs even if you are sure you can lose the wieght. Gross.

Koreans think fans will kill them? Why are all the Chinese cultures so weird?

Libya's Kadhafi Likes Obama. That's probably not a good sign.

Crazy Midget Mexican Wrestler. Good God

20 Ways to Die Slam Dunking. If I die slam dunking make sure someone yells boomshakalakalaka.

Depression Link

Is there anything we can do other than nothing?

Pointless Question

If you were a major league baseball player, what song would you get them to play when as you came up to bat at home games?

I would have "It's Raining Men".

Awesome Old School Country Song

When the Man Comes Around



Ok so this one isn't that old. But it is cripplingly good. It was release in 2002 on Johnny Cash's final album. It has a lot of creepy King James scripture spoken throughout the verses and gives you chills whenever you hear it. They used it in the opening credits of Dawn of the Dead cause of its end of times theme. When I am elected president I will get them to play this instead of Hail to the Chief.

Rich's Links of the Day

This Brit is Pessimistic on Obama. There does seem to be a lot of people out of their minds in love with Obama. How can anyone love a politician. They are the bad guys. Might as well love a shark or Cobra snake.

Some Say FDR Prolonged the Great Depression. Something to keep in mind with everyone clamouring for a new New Deal.

Cool Pics. I love cool pics.

More Doom and Gloom. If things are as bad as it looks we are really in for a world of shit. I Remember Nilk was hardcore about how hardcore it was gonna be 4 years ago. How he know and no one else?

Volleyball

We had 3 more games last night. 0 for 3. Man did we ever stink up the joint. Didn't even come close in any game. It was one of the dudes birthdays and before the game everyone but martin met up for cake and beer which I advised against. I think that may have had some effect. Hopefully no more birthdays this season.

Rich's Links of the Day

Thomas Sowell writes about affordable housing. Why ain't this dude President?

Movie Review: The Wrestler

Martin and I went to see The Wrestler last week. It was pretty crowded in the theatre and very few seats were free. I didn't see how it began cause I was listening to Martin tell a funny ass story about his overly dramatic room mate chick but all of a sudden a very pushy couple was arguing with some people in the row behind us over seats. We were in the handicapped seats so we had the only 2 seats on the ground and the bar before the first real was right behind us which is what separated the two parties. The argument was just to my right side. I coulda rubbed my face sweetly on the pushy girl's coat if I had thought of it and wanted to but didn't on both counts.



Anyway, they had a good little back and forth going and it appeared to me that there was one couple that was saving 2 seats for another couple they didn't know that were the main arguers with the pushy standy couple. A secondary couple sitting on the other side of the empty seats got involved cause the pushy couple wouldn't shut up about taking the seats and the pushy dude called the secondary dude a dick. Secondary dude was on like a first date or something and was embarrassed. He was also about twice the size of the pushy guy. So over the rail he jumps and gets in Pushy's face and calls him a pussy and dares him to fight if it ain't true. Turns out it is true cause Pushy gets all meek and suddenly learns manners and forgets how to talk.

Pushy bitch is still going at it with the girl from the primary seated couple and I hear threats to call 911 from Pushy Girl. The whole theatre had gotten real quiet at this point and everyone was enjoying the show. So with Pushy Dude getting cowed and Pushy Girl still being demanding all of a sudden the primary seated chick hauls off and slaps Pushy Bitch in the face. It was the most gentle and loving slap you have ever seen. Their ain't any harm in a million of em but you woulda thought Pushy Bitch had just been shot from the way she acted.

She howls and shrieks and storms out of the auditorium with Pussy Boy screaming about how she is gonna call the cops and accompanied by thundering applause and cat calls from the rest of the viewing audience. The general consensus seemed to be that the Pushies sucked and it was good riddance overall.

A few minutes into the movie here comes Pushy Bitch again, this time flanked by two cops and a manager with a flash light. She very smugly points out gentle slap girl and away the cops whisk her insisting that her boyfriend stay and watch the movie. 10 minutes later they come back in to collect the boyfriend and haul off the slappy girl to the big house.

I never figured a harmless slap such as that could result in a prison term and felt pretty damn bad for the poor girl. If I were the cops I would have inspected the pushy bitch and seen she was fine and told her to shut the fuck up. Or at worst let her get a gentle slap back at the other girl. 5 years in the big house seems a bit excessive to me for a harmless little slap.

After the movie Martin just went home and said he had learned his lesson from Valkerie not to go out drinking so much so that was the end of the night.

Morale: The Wrestler starts out pretty entertainingly but then kinda fizzles at the end with everyone behaving themselves and being responsible and going home.

Rich's Links of the Day

Memory Pill Coming. To be taken with food and a Memory Erasure and Whiskey Chaser.

The Willis hit Jock was talking bout. He's fine.

Racist words that no longer are. I am not so sure about the validity of this list.

Monkey Teasing a Dog. I love when monkeys run on two legs cause they look like stupid, messed up old men who are amazingly agile. Always laugh.

Which reminds me of this clip Markulus had a while back of a Monkey on a Scooter. It's even better cause they dress the little jerk up like an old man. When he runs at the end I lose it ever time.

Pointless Question

How much would you sell your ability to fart silently for?

I am an ass master. I can let the most voluminous farts slide out with no fanfare or vibrations. In a crowded social situation it is entirely easy for me so sidle up to the window and breeze one out and no one is the wiser. I am sure everyone else can do this as well because I have been around for plenty of mysterious fumes that did not originate with me.



So how much is this ability worth to you? And when I say You can no longer fart silently I mean not even quietly. Every time is a loud trumpeted affair as if performed by a children's comedian. All social engagements, dinner, parties, weddings, romantic carriage rides, will periodically be interrupted by your screaming ass. It won't necessarily be filthy stinkers all the time. You may luck out and have some harmless ones but none will get by unnoticed.

Football

My football team won this week. 12-13. I didn't drop the interception this time but I should have as it was 4th down and I cost us about 15 yards of field position. I always curse and ridicule defenders who do this on tv and I did it. It just bounced so perfectly to me that I had caught it before I realized what I was doing.

Later on defense I was two hand touching this big dude on their team that had just made a catch. Little did I realize this was gonna be like trying to two hand touch a Buick. He snapped my head back with his elbow as he was turning around. I have played rugby and never been rocked so hard as I was in the touch football league yesterday. My teamates were all looking concerned at me and made me go sit down. I guess I looked like how I felt. Pretty much out on my feet or punch drunk or whatever.

I got better and came back on and had a few catches but no touchdowns. On the final play of the game I was double covering the Buick dude who was their best player. The ball came to him in the end zone and I leaped up and batted it down hard. Like full volleyball spike hard. He still fucking caught it. Unbelievable. They missed the extra point and we won. I am still pissed that he caught that last TD.

Second Thoughts

I am feeling bad about the hobo again. What got me thinking is it is soooo fuuuuucking cold out there. I couldn't stand out on the corner for 5 minutes without shivering uncontrolably. It's 15 freaking degrees out there. Anyway I got to thinking if I was standing around in horrible, hateful cold like that maybe I would get a little desperate and pushy too.


(frozen to death hobo)

Not that he was a good guy or anything. I still think there is a good chance he was a step away from being a mugger but I guess I should have given him the benefit of the doubt. I aint complete ass though. I didn't give a full beat down or nothing. Just a wall bouncing and a little how do you do in the ribs. He ran away fine.

Anyway, I think I should have just cowed him down, cause he obviously didn't want any as he was backing away, and just called him a pussy and left. I hope he doesn't come back with a blade or friends. Do bums have friends?

Rich's Links of the Day

Socialism Imminent. So long freedom. Hello Stinktown.

Will we ever get off Earth? I hope I live to see it. I can't wait to kick some space bum ass.

13 Fake Wrestling Finishing Moves. Ok I know. Wrassling is for idiots but these moves are still kinda cool to watch.

Bum Fight 2

Well I have sobered up and am thinking clearly now. I had kinda felt bad about the whole thing last night but today as I go over the whole thing lucidly in my head I am sure that I did just right. That son of a bitch got what he had coming.

I didn't really do a good job last night of conveying exactly how aggressive this punk was. I think if I was a woman there is a very good chance I would be a mugged woman right now. Right off the bat he was invading my space and getting up in my face. "Lemme get a dollar man". If you coulda heard his tone, he was NOT asking. Very threatening and intimidating and he walked with me and grabbed my right elbow. He held it so firm that my first modest attempt to jerk free did not work and I had to really make a full effort to wrench free on the second try.

This put jolt of fear through me as it was very weird and unprecedented. Then he starts with the insults. As I start off across the street I really get the chance to size him up and do the mental arithmetic in my head and come up with the answer: Not Scary. The jolt of fear having nowhere to go now turns to fury so I run back over and dash him against the wall.

I also did a pretty poor job of bragging about how good of a shove I got on him. It was tremendous. He was backing up and I was coming up from the street to the curb so I got him nice and low and was really able to get both legs into it and just sent him tumbling. I wish I had it on film cause I bet at some point he was entirely off the ground. Anyway, I kinda jogged home to get the hell outta there cause I wasn't so drunk that I wasn't concerned that some cops might see me bumrushing, no pun intended (did you notice that sweet pun?) dudes and haul me into the big house. Even though I was right I don't wanna risk anything with cops and somehow getting into a whole shank or be shanked situation.

Bum Fight

Well speak of the fucking devil. Bum fight you want? Ok you got your fuckin bum fight. Not ten minutes ago I got off the fuckin train. Minding my own fucking business. Admittedly I have had more than a few to drink but I am still on my best (moderate) behavior. Some fucking bum accosts me as I get off the stairs to the station. I got nothing for him. I aint rude or picking a fight or nothing. I just dont want to give drug money to an obvious piece of shit. this mother fucker is mumbling curses and shit at me as I cross the road. I stop (again the drunkness probly but still I am in the rigt and tell him to shut his fucking ass up). He tells me to suck his dick and to come back across the street if I aint a fagot. A fucking drugged up bum mind you.

This is too many for me. Off across the street I go. He stand hid ground but it is the least scarey thing if you could be if you saw him. Skinny ass drugged up piece of shit. He hurt nothin. As I get close he backs up but I already too close and shove the shit out of him and down he goes against the side of a building and rib kick when he gets up and runs away. I gave chase but only chase like when you dont wanna actually catch dude cause I kinda regained head when he went down but still wanna insult and hurt his feelings which I think I did a pretty damn good job of doing. If I was he I woulda felt bad. Anyway, I told you those fucking bums are getting more aggresive. Full out muggings soon. I scared.

I'm marrying Shelley

But not like that. I'm the officiant. Remember when Nilk axed me to be the preacher-man at his wedding? I chickened out so Lars did it up way better than I could ever have done it. But now I'm over all that and I'm still ordained so I'm doing Shelley and Jeff. Man this is going to be a short wedding.

Remember when Kirk read the Metallica lyrics? What song was that?

So Shelley is now officially off the market now and will never fulfill her wish of her and Nilk. Nilk, to his credit, tried to parlay it into a threesome with Marth, to no avail. I'll post a couple of pictures of tomorrow's wedding as soon as I get them.

Minor Scare

Mark texted me that an Airliner had crashed in the Hudson river around 47th street this afternoon. I was on 47th street so I ran outside to see what was going on. Also, whenever there is some kinda trauma in New York City I immediately worry about Islams so I wanted to get a running start if there was some kinda Allah Akbar thing going down. Quite a few people were thinking the same thing and running in no direction and there were emergency vehicles flying west down 47th. Me and the dude I was trying to sell a stone to legged it down to the bank. Along the way we learned that it was not islams but instead some radical, fudamentalist geese that had suicide attacked the engines and brought the plane down. Geeselams he called em. The plane was floating in the river surrounded by ferry boats and drifting south fairly quickly. It was hard to see anything cause all the people and boats in the way. They said survivors where standing on the wings but I couldn't see em. We got bored and went back inside out of the terrible freezing cold we are having today.

.

Martin's Theory

This is my friend Dee from volleyball. She's a former All-America indoor player who is mostly responsible for my 10,000 percent improvement on the sand in the past few years. Anyone want to guess what she's made out of?

Hint: She sorta looks Mexican and at the same time she sorta looks Chinese.

Russian Girls

When I was a kid it was a common joke that Russian chicks were fat and ugly. What other jokes back then were lies?

Rich's Links of the Day

mWhat Anthills look like underneath. Humongous and gross.

Top 25 Fat Cities in America. Save the Fattest City For Me.

Record Cold and Snow. Something seems a bit off with the global warming scare here.

Teens Send Nekkid Pics to Each Other on They Phones as the latest fad. Why oh why did they not have camera phones when we were in high school?

People conform. This is how you are able to get obviously stupid shit like government run healthcare pushed through,

Apparently we are all just holograms. Why the hell can't i float through walls then?

rich mann wanted me to post to this sweet new blog. i cant think of much to post as my life is mostly putting one boring day after the other. no car in boring santa fe. i did read a new book about the beatles which was sweet. ringo and paul were clearly the best beatles, john was talented but such a drug obsessed asshole. also yoko ono is the worst person who ever lived hands down no competition. the beatles hated to have anybody in the studio with them and she would come and try to critique what they were doing. one time she was pregnant and had to stay in bed so she had a bed brought to the studio and had a mike hanging over the bed so she could put her two cents in. i dont know how paul kept himself from killing that slant eyed cunt.

sweet volleyball, why cant i still be in the greatest city on earth. that would enable me to put at least two hours behind me in enjoyment. dagnabit.

My Country Music Heritage

My Dad's uncle or something or other (some kinda cousin or uncle through his mom) wrote this obscure song. I have never heard it except for Dad singing it and not knowing the words. Anyway, he sold it to some record company and this dude Hank Thompson made it slightly famous in the 80's. I still can't find a studio version but here it is live at some depressing fair or picnic.

Volleyball

Martin and I had our first real volleyball games that counted yesterday. I thought there was a chance and Martin agreed that we might go undefeated in the season as we both played pretty bad last time and still smoked the other team 3-0. I hadn't counted on a bunch of newbies showing up to the real game and sucking. We got crushed pretty bad in the first 2 games and barely squeaked out a 15-14 win in the last one in which we were given a free point cause their girl hurt herself and couldn't play. The league is coed and kinda goofy and has penalties if you don't have enough girls which I feel like a scumbag enforcing. I hate getting free points and serves cause it makes any win feel undeserved.

Martin and I played much better this time. I didn't put everything away like I should but I didn't have any horrible errors or hit anything into the net or out. Martin only had a couple of goofy hits but as a whole did well. We had one stretch where he and I were both on the front line and we had 6 spikes in a row for points. Then the other team got wise and hit it to the back row and ended our streak. I think overall we did better as a team but the team we were playing was much better than the previous week's. Also they only had one girl.

I thought for a little while they had two. They had this one tall, blond, German looking character of dubious gender running around that I immediately dubbed "Helga" and Martin later dubbed "Pre-Op Jimmy". After the games at Brother Jimmy's we somehow got into a faked role playing bit where Martin had to call his dad and tell him he got beat by a tranny. It went something like this here:



Martin: Hello? Dad?
Dad: Mawtin, great to hear from you boy. How you been?
Martin: Pretty good. I just got back from my volleyball match.
Dad: Oh? How did that go for ya?
Martin: Not so great, we got pounded pretty bad. They had this one shemale thing that was spiking all over the place.
Dad: ....You got beaten ...by a transexual?
Martin: Well, that just one of the team members, there were others playing well too.
Dad: ...Wa...Was it pre-op....or post-op?
Martin: Well...pre-op we think...but we didn't do a whole medical exam thing it ...coulda been...post.
Martin:....em....Dad?
Dad: (DailTooooooooooooooooooooooooooooone).

Awesome Old School Country Song

Dang Me: Roger Miller

This dude has a sweet ass voice.

Rich's Links of the Day

With the coming depression get ready to eat more Varmints. Raccoon today, possum tomorrow, rats soon enough.

There's a Stonehenge under Lake Michigan. I didn't know Martians had submarines.

Beat Box Cooking Show.

Rich's Links of the Day

The "website" of unnecessary quotation marks.

You got four years left. Have fun y'all.

Muslim Lady to get Spanked for Drinking beer. Muslims are terrible.

Has anyone played World of Warcraft? Is it really this fun?

Genetically Altering Humans. Can't they figure out how I can regenerate limbs like a starfish yet?

Battledroids. These are actually for military use so the kinda kick more ass than the previous ones.

Evidance

You want evidence of how a perfectly good song can be turned inot complete horseshit? Here you go.

Football

I had my first football game with the new team Sunday. Man did we ever get our asses beat. My lowlight was when I dropped an interception. One of my guys broke up a pass and it tipped near enough where I could have had it but instead I tipped it 3 times before having to dive and miss it. Horrible. The highlight was that I made a ridiculous catch for a touchdown. It was 4th and goal from 10 yards out and our qb was about to get sacked so he just hove it to the left side of the end zone. I was on the right side and sprinted across. 4 of us went up for it and some how I wound up on my back with the ball. We lost 7-70. Another highlight was that it had snowed the night before and the field was covered so I was diving and sliding all over the place even if it wasn't needed. Snow sucks unless you are playing in it.

Prior to the game I was walking through the park and came across some little punk kids sledding down a hill while their parents watched. This was west side park, not central park where the hills are for pussies. These kids were going down a 5 story 50 degree incline. It looked fun as hell. Well you know what happened. I conned one of the kids into letting me borrow his sled. When I got to the bottom I realized that I outweighed these chumps by easily 100 pounds and while they would stop well before they hit the park benches at the end of the run, I would stop exactly when I hit them. It didn't hurt so much as was scary and the kids loved it so winners all around. Also the sled was plastic and not too broken. Jock woulda gone clean through the benches and wound up in the Hudson River.


(Not actual event)

Bad Ass Item of the Week:

Optical Illusions


(Dern Lemons Won't Lay Still. More illusions here)

I can never get enough of a good illusion. I think they are very underused. If I was an architect or road engineer I would design stuff to look like other stuff and trick the hell out of people. maybe even get them to wreck.

Rich's Links of the Day

Are we living a real life Atlas Shrugged? I actually thought the book was terribly written. Soooo cheesy.

The dude who took the pics of the naked upside down skier may be fired.

Taxes will rise no matter who is in power. Great. At least there's no hope.

Good New Losers, Virtual Sex is coming soon. I want a Marilyn Monroebot

Laughing Makes You Skinny. I guess more and more Americans have no sense of humor.

You tube

If you type Rich Mann into You tube you get this. I swear it ain't me.

Personalized Links

For Lilero Only

For Jock Only

For Martin Only

For Markulus Only

For Me Only
I once made 40 bucks in NJ for knowing this song at Cole Street Cafe.

Gig

Jock wants to play a gig in Baton Rouge sometime in a couple of months. Is everybody up for it? And by everybody I mean me and Mark. Also Jock.

Don't Watch This

I knew there must have been some horrible reason why I don't fuck with alligators.

Volleyball

Martin and I had our first 3 scrimmage games with the new volleyball team. I played like ass shit. Martin played like half ass shit. We won all 3 games.

Rich's Links of the Day

Astrological Physics Stuff About the Beginning of the Universe. I didn't understand it either.

6 Month Picture. This dude spent 6 months taking one picture. If he would have screwed it up he woulda been pissed.

People sure Hate Israel These Days. It seems weird that people care more about this war than any current war in Africa.

Other People Hate Palestine. Apparently Palestinians make fake videos to get sympathy?

Dude has to pay child support for kids that aren't his. I've heard of several cases like this. Don't seem right to me.

Muslims Cutting Themselves and Kids. Perhaps worse than telling your kid you are gonna punch him in the fucking face? Actually knife cutting him?

Things Everyone Loves That Actually Suck

AMERICAN IDOL



(I hate when people take pictures of themselves with tape over their mouths. Who thinks that shit is clever? No one. Get better creative directors)


This is the show that was acceptable to watch only in the first season due to it's novelty. It is now gearing up for season NINE. Why the hell is anyone still watching this garbage? It's the same boring shit over and over and over. A bunch of jerks get up and sing horrible renditions of pop songs to a bunch of other jerks who vote them off every couple of days. Teeeerible. Even when they happen to select decent songs to perform they arrange them in the cheesiest way possible so that Las Vegas lounge singers would even be embarassed to be associated with them.

Also, very irritating is the way after every song is sung they will flash up the number to call to vote for the jerk who just sang (877-344-4007) and the wannabe inevitable holds up seven fingers and mouths SEEEEEVVVEEEEEEN to the camera. Really guys? Every damn time? Can't none of you just stand there like a human while they go to commercial? Sick.

One last point. You will be hard pressed to get through an episode of American Idol without some dumbass trying to sing Sugar Pie Honey Bunch. Now American Idol is performed in front of a live audience. Sugar Pie Honey Bunch does not have an ending. The recorded version just fades out. One of the main parts of putting on a good show is having a big finish, which you CAN NOT do if the song you are singing HAS NO ENDING. So what do they do? They just kinda stop when they run out of time and it ends horribly and I feel bad about the human race and wish for an asteroid. But apparently I am the only one cause they keep up with that shit every damn season and I guarantee you will hear at least 10 times in the upcoming season 9.

Jet Pack

What do you get when you combine 2 liter soda bottles, water and Japanese dudes?

Bad Parenting?

I don't know too much about raising kids but yesterday I saw a lady with 3 of them out on the street. The little boy was skipping about and generally behaving as little boys do, not really misbehaving and not really being perfect either. The lady snatches by the arm, spins him around and says "I'm gonna punch you in the fucking face". I thought it was somewhat inappropriate.

Rich's Links of the Day

Spending Our Way to Prosperity. Is this as stupid as it seems? Don't you spend less when economic times are hard?

Statues Made of Legos. And some tool posing with them. Get outta the picture loser.

Scientists can Levitate Tiny Objects. So can I have my hoverbaord from Back to the Future Yet?

Foosball Game. Play at work if you want to waste all your time and get fired.

Sucky Tatoo. I sure hope this is just painted on.

Creepy Swarmbots Dragging Away a Little Girl. I assume to murder? One day they will rule us all.

Autistic Savant. I remember when they used to be idiot savants. I wish I could get a little bit savant without the idiot part going.

Pointless Question: Human Internal Clock

If humans figure out how to colonize another planet one day and that planet has a day that is say 30 hours long. Will we be able to adapt and live normally on a 30 hour day or will we be screwed by millions of years evolving to a 24 hour schedule? Have to come up with some kind of rotating light/ dark day/ night calender thing?

FreeCreditReport.com commerical review

Best to worst:

1. The country version. This original wins hands down, especially the little bass lick he plays under the "shoulda gone to" lyric.



2. The hip hop-ish one. I like the vocal harmony, though why they only do it over one line ("saw their ads on my TV") is beyond me. Also the "F-R-E-E that spells free" is a great hook.

3. The rock version. I like this one even though they blow the rhyme in the first two lines. Great music and guest starring the lobster-eating bitch from the original one.

4. The wimpy college rock version. The only redeeming part is the girl's utterly fantastic ass, but you only get to see a split second of it.

5. The rap 'n roll one. Thirty seconds of lyrics, two pitches.

6. The reggae-ish version. F-to-the-R-to-the-E-to-the-E-to-the-C-to-the-R-to-the-E-D-I-Tedious.

Top Ten Ways to Talk to Women Like a DoucheTard

This askmen.com article is supposed to be real advice on how to talk to chicks about sex. If you ever do anything recommended in their list you deserve a hammer to the face. This list is more like a recipe for a Virginity and Teardrop Cocktail than scoring goals. The only women who would like to be spoken to like this are sex-hookers and they are only pretending to like it cause they want your money. Secretly they hate you.

Pointless Question

Which is Scarier, Bullriding or Motorcycle jumping?




I was gonna go with bull riding vs. ski jumping but ski jumping just seems way scarier and not even close. Bull riding is sexier though. I can't imagine chicks digging a dorky ski jump dude they way they would a dusty bullriding badass.

Big Ass Crab Pic

Rich's Links of the Day

John Stossel loves Social Security

Walter E Williams Loves Rich People.

Bullriders are nuts. Would you ride the bull for $100,000?

Dude Rapes Blowup Dolls. I can't imagine having sex with a blowup doll is any kind of fun. Also I am kinda scared of those dolls. They are creepy.



Wendy's training Video. Now tell me you like McDonald's better.

Straight Male Hooker. Do ladies acutally need to pay for sex? Can't they just be slutty?

Movie Review: VALKYRIE

Martin and I went to see Valkyrie last night on 42nd Street. Afterwards we decided to pop into a nearby bar for one pint then head home. Well, the first pint didn't so much quench our thirst as whet it so we got another. 5 pints in Martin decides to switch to bourbon. We had to leave because all of a sudden someone kept ripping the smelliest farts in the world and would not stop. It wasn't either of us cause we went outside to get some air and went we came back the son of a bitch was still at it. It was unbelievable how prodigious this smelly gentleman was at laying these things down. We never got a break from it. Once I smelled it the first time it was never not invading my nose so we downed our drinks and left.

Martin still wanted to party so we caught a cab to the Emerald Inn. As soon as we entered the bartender skoots around from behind the bar and kicks Martin out. I don't know what Martin had done entering that made the guy wanna kick him out. Either he is really good at spotting drunks or he just hates Martins. We wound up at the Irish pub behind Papaya on 72nd street. I don't remember how many more we had but Martin was lapping me left and right. I think I drink pretty fast but this dude was smoking me.

Eventually we left and I caught the train home. I felt pretty wretched this morning but nothing I ain't used to. Martin didn't text me till late afternoon to say he had been so drunk he couldn't figure out how to get home, puked on two trains and eventually fell asleep in some park on a bench.

Morale of the story: Go see Valkyrie. It's fun as shit.

Rich's Links of the Day

Upside Down and Naked on a Ski Lift. This is everywhere today. It is here too.

(I swear, if someone asks me how's it hanging one more fucking time....)

Best and worst jobs. I have had none of these jobs listed but I think there are tons better jobs than Mathematician. How about professional hockey player or TV star?

DNA Appears to be Telepathic. I never understand anything.


Cool Billboard pics.

Cancun

Hey Mark. Remember that time I didn't want to go to Cancun but you convinced me to go at the last minute and I didn't think it was gonna be awesome but then it was?

Conspiracy Nuts

I got into a discussion the other day with a guy who adamantly believed that the government was actively trying to kill everyone. He had numerous examples one of which being that airplanes leave behind contrails. He says these contrails or actually chemicals poisoning everyone. I asked his dumbass if the government bad guys wouldn't have more sense than to poison themselves along with everyone else if that was indeed their scheme. Seems to me that even Dr. Evil type arch villians have to breathe. That didn't slow him down a step. He has it all figured out and knows for certain that poisonous chemicals are being dumped on us constantly.


(Aug. 17th 2008 Witchita, KA a seemingly innocent airplane passes overhead)


(20 Minutes Later)

Turns out this is kind of a pretty widespread conspiracy theory and plenty of nuts are into it. Check out this video explaining it all set to a freaky freaky dance remix.

If you have a hard time swallerin all this like me check out this rebuttal video put together by that soft spoken southern boy in the wheelchair from the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Changing Tude of Bums

Am I the only one who has noticed that bums are getting more aggressive? Used to be that bums were the politest, smelliest group in the world. You could completely shun and ignore them and they would still say thank you and God bless as you walked by leaving them empty handed.


(This dude needed subway fair to his job interview)

Recently though I have noticed that some will start following you down the block a little ways asking multiple times for drug money. One bum even called me a mother fucker when I dissed him a week ago. I nearly lost my temper on him before I remembered that I have no desire to get hauled into the precinct office for smoking a hobo (also I didn't want to have to boil my fist in disinfectant). Anyway, do you think this is symptom of the overall economy being shitty or something else? Whatever it is I hope it goes back to regular soon cause bums are a pain in the fuck.


(Don't feel sorry for this character. Actually, the Sleepy Burrito is the newest fad in avant garde, ergonomic bedding)

Rich's Links of the Day

The IRS is Wonderful.

Terrorists to Use Insect Bombs. I thought it was only God who could smite you with Locusts.

Every Kid is Allergic to Nuts Now. When I was little no one was allergic to nuts. Looks like we have in one generation evolved into a race of pussies.

Pepsi is Suing itself. I thought those Coke Zero ads were a joke. I think Markulus is somehow involved here.

Fast shooting Gun Dude from the 70's.

Awesome Old School Country Song

EAST BOUND AND DOWN



That sweet sweet song from Smokey and the Bandit by Jerry Reed. My parents never let me watch Smokey and the Bandit but I imagine I would have loved it.

Rich's Links of the Day

World's Biggest Liger. It sure looked like a Tigon to me.

Who Saw the Housing Collapse Coming? Lilero has been fortelling it for years as well as the stock market downfall.

Bed Bugs are Back. All the old solved problems are coming back around again. Pirates, Great Depressions and I swear I am coming down with a full on case of the Vapors.

Ricky Gervais Hates Fat People. He kinda on the border of self loathing I think.

Monster Crosses. Memphis gives Baton Rouge a run for its money.

Scientist are getting close to making you invisible. Now all I need is a time machine.

Link

For Markulus Only.

For Jock Only.

For Me Only.

TELTAS (Things Everyone Loves That Actually Suck):

McDONALD'S


(Why aren't this kid's parents arrested?)

McDonald's is everydamnwhere. There is no Chili's in Manhattan but you better believe there are a few hundred McDonald's hanging about. Why? Why does everyone love this greasy shit? Is it THAT good? Of course not. There are plenty of places to go that are just as unhealthy as McDonald's but with tons better food. Or you could just stay home make your own burgers which are always tons better than any fastfood place even if Jock makes 'em with the beef patties soooooo fucking thick even after you ask him not to that you hate it and resent him.

Anyway, the point here is not that the food at McDonald's is the worst food in the world. It's just that for that level of grease and heart disease you should really be enjoying yourself a hell of a lot more.

Isreal and Palestine

1. Why can't these people work this shit out already?

2. Why the hell does everyone care so much?


Seriously, these guys have been at this ever since I can remember and then some. Get over it already you bunch of jerks. We have different races in America and somehow we manage not to constantly be rocket launching, tank crushing and suicide bombing each other all the damn time. Grow up losers.


(Palestinian Gen. Abdul Jabuai prepares to launch anti-tank ordinance at oncoming Israeli Tank)

And for the rest of the world. Just back the hell up and let them handle their business. I swear, it is the two tiniest countries in the world. If the entire continent of Africa can be at war and nobody thinks twice about it, I think a patch the size of New Jersey shouldn't be that big a deal. These pricks hate each other. Let them have their stupid war if they want and let's stop dragging the whole world along into it. If I get nuked over some sweaty bastards chucking pebbles in Gaza I am gonna be pissed (and dead).

Rich's Links of the Day

Rubberband Man. I want 4 70's dudes in blue tuxedos to dance at my gigs.

Ski Jump Pics. Would take a run off the big ramp right now for $500,000? No practice no nothing. Just straight up balls and injury.

Raise the Gas Tax. Remember that time the government wanted to fuck you over by raising your taxes because it could?

Thomas Sowell Article. This is the black guy that should be president.

Cop Grab Dude Penis. You probably saw this elsewhere but it not....

Awesome Old School Country Song

The Race by George Jones. My favorite part is when Bob Smith from Bob & Bob's Firearm Shed sings the high part in the chorus. Also, the baby blue suits.

One Trillion Dollar Bailout to the 50 States

Some Governors are requesting ONE TRILLION dollars be given to bailout failing state governments. What the shit is everyone thinking? Where is all this bailout money coming from? Doesn't the federal government get its money by taxing the citizens that live in the states? Isn't this just a flow of money from states to feds back to states? How about just LOWER TAXES? No of course not. Never that.

Rich's Links of the Day

Yellowstone will explode and kill us all. Screw worrying about terrorists with nukes or the coming great depression. Wrath of God is where it's at.

James Randy's Page. Been a while since I went here. It's always fun to check out what crazy people get up to.

Here's a map of the area where you will definitely die if you are there when Yellowstone goes off. The lucky rest of us will only probably die and much more slowly and painfully.

Martin's Wingsuit Video. I don't really get tired of looking at this.

Strange Things in the Universe. Magnets somehow didn't make the list.

Looks like Bob and Bob's has some competition.

Remember That Time?

Remember That Time is a category of jokes that Scoot claims to have invented. The punch line is that when you say "Remember that time?" you're referring to something that hasn't happened yet. As in, "Remember that time you went and got me a beer while you were up?" It can also be used to refer to something that just happened, the joke being that you seem to be asking about something in the distant past but in actuality it was immediately previous. It was this usage when I first heard it. Scoot, Artie and I were burning shit in my backyard and I put a wide board on the fire and the flames were lapping around it but I wasn't satisfied with the speed of burning, so I went got my drill and drilled some holes in it so the flames and oxygen could burn it from the inside out too. Scoot made fun of me for doing it until he saw how well it was working, which was a span of 10 seconds, after which he said, "Remember that time you stopped drilling holes in that board and I got pissed off at you?"

(Artie and Miki)

Well I immediately picked it up and started using it, the extreme example being on my road trip to Little Rock for the LSU-Arkansas game. We stayed with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and I started using it around him and he, quite unexpectedly, started using it too. On the way back was when it really got out of hand. Nathan and I picked up Miki in Shreveport and I would estimate that, between Shreveport and Baton Rouge, nine out of every 10 sentences we said to each other began that way.

So I told Scoot the other day how viral Remember That Time became, and I cited the KF reference, and he flew off the handle. He claims ownership of the joke, which is fine (though a quick google search will reveal that everyone says it), but what really pissed him off was that I told KF. Apparently Scoot thought, correctly, that KF would really run with it, and HE wanted to be the one to tell him. Oh well.

Hey, remember that time when Scoot and I started a blog and then didn't invite anyone so we ended up telling stories to each other that we already told in person?

Bad Ass Item of the Week: ROBBIE MADISON

Did everyone see this dude ramping up and and down the arc de triumph? Holy shit that looks scary. The only thing keeping him from crippling death is the chance that he might land on a motorcycle. People say motorcycles are dangerous but I think this proves they are safe. I think instead of parachutes we should give our fighter pilots motorcycles in their ejection seats.

Rich's Links of the Day

Santa Claus is SATAN! I had a hell of a time reading this article at Grandma's house on Christmas. Some people take things waaaaaaaay to seriously.

17 Molecules that changed the world. The title says molecules but I know some of them are actually just atoms. Still interesting though.

Using Global Warming to Redistribute Wealth. Wait, they don't actually just care about saving the environment but want to enact socialism too? Weird.

Cool Pictures of Stuff.

Cajun JetSkiing. Very Simular to the Cajun Water Skiing Jock and I did over Christmas break.

Sharks Have Relatively Weak Bites. Well shit, I guess I ain't scared of them no more.