Nature
What's the coolest nature thang you ever saw in person? I once saw a hawk snatch a squirrel off the ground and it was fucking awesome. I also saw a rattlersnake coil up and shake at me before I killed it with a rifle.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Things I have Done
When I used to work at Countrywide there was a big black English dude named Earl who processed the submitted loans. Whenever he wanted to use the restroom he had to walk past my desk. Sometimes he would just go and sometimes he would take a newspaper with him. On the occasions that he took a newspaper I got into the habit of singing "Duke of Earl" at him as he passed. Of course this was too irresistible and pretty soon everyone in the area was joining in and adding harmonies and shit. We were actually pretty good sounding. Earl hated it but laughed every time anyway.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Rich's Links of the Day
Catchiest Song Ever
Remember those dorks in middle school who used to where Misfits shirts? That band is actually kinda kick.
In keeping with the theme of old ass things I never heard of but now love check out this song by SLADE.
Or THEESe. If you don't like Slade there is something wrong with you.
Nerds do mean things to other nerds. To a sweet sound track aforementioned as it turn out.
Remember those dorks in middle school who used to where Misfits shirts? That band is actually kinda kick.
In keeping with the theme of old ass things I never heard of but now love check out this song by SLADE.
Or THEESe. If you don't like Slade there is something wrong with you.
Nerds do mean things to other nerds. To a sweet sound track aforementioned as it turn out.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Poll Over
Well apparently Louisiana Hot Sauce is awesome and Tabasco is terrible. Weird how you never see LHS anywhere but Tabasco is ubiquitous. People must like terrible shit.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Seattle Sounders FC
Tonight is the franchise premier of the newest Major League Soccer team - Seattle Sounders FC. I bought season tickets about a year ago and have been looking forward to this for a long time. The games will be played on the X-Box Pitch at Qwest Field (where the Seahawks play). Beautiful Drew Carey is a minority owner in the team and has led the development of the fanbase and the marketing campaign. One of his ideas was to have a marching band, so now they have one. They are leading a big procession of fans through downtown and into the stadium before kickoff, so I'm going to be a part of that. I never thought I'd have something so precious in my life as participating in a Drew Carey-led parade. Carey has also set the team up European style where the ticket holders get to vote on management and stuff like that.
Seattle Sounders FC homepage
Video of Drew Carey talking to CNN about the team
Gameday: Sounders vs. New York Red Bulls
This is also the season opener for MLS, so it will be on the Deuce in HD. A little unfortunate to be scheduled against March Madness, but it's sold out anyway.
The Sounders' "Beckham" is Freddie Ljungberg. He is the "designated player", meaning they can pay the shit out of him without affecting the salary cap. I think he's getting $7M this year. Anyway, the story is pretty similar to Beckham's: captain of his national team (Sweden), huge star in the English Premier League (Arsenal), underwear model and just slightly over the hill at 32. I predict he will be an A-list celebrity this time next year.
Lastly, to ensure an awesome atmosphere in the stadium, Carey had the idea of making the tickets for the opener actually be Sounders scarves, so everyone will have them. Mine came with my season tix. Look for me on TV - I sit at about the 35, 12 rows up on the side of the field where the Sounders shoot on goal in the 2nd half.
Seattle Sounders FC homepage
Video of Drew Carey talking to CNN about the team
Gameday: Sounders vs. New York Red Bulls
This is also the season opener for MLS, so it will be on the Deuce in HD. A little unfortunate to be scheduled against March Madness, but it's sold out anyway.
The Sounders' "Beckham" is Freddie Ljungberg. He is the "designated player", meaning they can pay the shit out of him without affecting the salary cap. I think he's getting $7M this year. Anyway, the story is pretty similar to Beckham's: captain of his national team (Sweden), huge star in the English Premier League (Arsenal), underwear model and just slightly over the hill at 32. I predict he will be an A-list celebrity this time next year.
Lastly, to ensure an awesome atmosphere in the stadium, Carey had the idea of making the tickets for the opener actually be Sounders scarves, so everyone will have them. Mine came with my season tix. Look for me on TV - I sit at about the 35, 12 rows up on the side of the field where the Sounders shoot on goal in the 2nd half.
NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
An early morning fire Wednesday caused minor damage to Albasha Greek and Lebanese restaurant while smoke from that fire caused minor damage to Primo’s Steak and Italian restaurant, both on Bluebonnet Boulevard near Interstate 10.
St. George Fire Protection District firefighters were called to Albasha, 5454 Bluebonnet Blvd., at 2:23 a.m., said Eldon Ledoux, a Fire Protection District spokesman.
When they arrived, firefighters found smoldering debris in the food-preparation area of the restaurant, Ledoux said.
The fire had been extinguished by the restaurant’s sprinkler system.
Albasha received minor fire and smoke damage while Primo’s received minor smoke damage, Ledoux said.
No big deal though, they're back open.
St. George Fire Protection District firefighters were called to Albasha, 5454 Bluebonnet Blvd., at 2:23 a.m., said Eldon Ledoux, a Fire Protection District spokesman.
When they arrived, firefighters found smoldering debris in the food-preparation area of the restaurant, Ledoux said.
The fire had been extinguished by the restaurant’s sprinkler system.
Albasha received minor fire and smoke damage while Primo’s received minor smoke damage, Ledoux said.
No big deal though, they're back open.
Tonight
Don't know where you are gonna be tonight but here is where you SHOULD be:
This Thursday March the 19th at 8:30pm Jimmy's 43 on 7th Street nestled betwixt 2nd and 3rd Avenues is proud to submit as evidance:
Beers and Girls and Country Music!
The new Dive Bar Country Music Sensation that is sweeping the ..uh..this particular dive bar this Thursday!
Featuring lead singer of the world renowned Classaholics and front man extraordinaire:
Rich Mann!
With special guest on lead guitar from The Prigs (the band not the people):
MACK PRICE!
With possible guest appearance by the always entertaining, on drums:
MARK “IF HE FEELS LIKE COMING” GRAHAM!
We will be playing all of your old favorites plus mixing in our special brand of filthy drinking bar songs too embarrassing and offendenating to be mentioned in this email.
Such As!:
She Caught My Eye, I Caught Her Chlamydia
Hard Cussin Woman
Grampa Please Stay Out of Grandma’s Underwear Draw (the ballad of Marv Albert)
I Gotta Take a Paternity Test
Darlin, I Love You and Shit
And many more! Show starts at 8:30pm and concludes at drunk.
This Thursday March the 19th at 8:30pm Jimmy's 43 on 7th Street nestled betwixt 2nd and 3rd Avenues is proud to submit as evidance:
Beers and Girls and Country Music!
The new Dive Bar Country Music Sensation that is sweeping the ..uh..this particular dive bar this Thursday!
Featuring lead singer of the world renowned Classaholics and front man extraordinaire:
Rich Mann!
With special guest on lead guitar from The Prigs (the band not the people):
MACK PRICE!
With possible guest appearance by the always entertaining, on drums:
MARK “IF HE FEELS LIKE COMING” GRAHAM!
We will be playing all of your old favorites plus mixing in our special brand of filthy drinking bar songs too embarrassing and offendenating to be mentioned in this email.
Such As!:
She Caught My Eye, I Caught Her Chlamydia
Hard Cussin Woman
Grampa Please Stay Out of Grandma’s Underwear Draw (the ballad of Marv Albert)
I Gotta Take a Paternity Test
Darlin, I Love You and Shit
And many more! Show starts at 8:30pm and concludes at drunk.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Neck
Last night I was folding clothes and watching WBC when all of a sudden I thought I was dying. I dropped to my knees with a searing neck cramp and cried out loud enough to wake up Carrie. By far the worst pain of my life. I felt it all the way down to my fingertips. It lasted about five seconds. I have no idea what brought it on but I thought it was a one-time thing. Then it happened again about 15 minutes later. I then realized it was happening when I'd turn my head a certain way. I remember thinking that you could add up all the pain I've experienced (crushed toes, MCL tear, tattoo, moccasin bite) and the aggregate wouldn't approach this level of pain. I stayed up till about 1 a.m. fighting it and losing. I was on the verge of going to the ER but I loaded up on ibuprofen and laid in bed to let it take effect. I was terrified to fall asleep in case I cramped up and couldn't get out of it. So I slept fitfully with tons of cool dreams I can no longer remember. I woke up with nothing more than a stiff neck and couldn't re-create the cramps.
Today I went to the doctor. The x-rays showed nothing except what the doctor disturbingly called "normal spinal wear for a 34-year old." Also during my x-ray I got to wear this sweet dong shield. But to rule out some other causes of my neck pain he ordered an MRI.
Now I have no problem penetrating the MRI tube. I had one once before when I got peléed in the back of the head by an unopened beer bottle. But I was pretty loaded back then and don't remember too much. But there seems to be this big push toward "open" MRI machines because apparently peeps can't handle the tube. I used to think that thinking was ridiculously stupid but after lying in it for 15 minutes today and listening to all the sounds and almost not fitting in the first place, I'm downgrading my opinion to thinking those people are merely impractically stupid. Because I can see how it can be disconcerting. It made tons of different loud-ass noises. I found myself naming the noises and wishing I had some drumsticks to bang out some fills with while I was up in there. I named the noises the Click Track (which sounded like the metronome on your digital recorder), the Secret Lair (named so because it sounded like in Bond movies after he penetrates the villian's lair and sets it to self destruct it you hear whooooOOOOOOP! whooooOOOOOOP! whooooOOOOOOP!), the Jackhammer (THGTHGTHGTHGTHGTHGTHGTHGTHG), the Fallout Shelter (BLEAAARRRRGGG BLEAAARRRRGGG BLEAAARRRRGGG), the Space Invader (CHOO CHOO CHOO CHOO CHOO) and the Slippery Chinaman (TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI [crash]). Man that thing had some different noises. It's a good thing they gave me ear protection because it was loud as shit up in there. When I got out I axed them surely they got some fat asses who didn't fit, since I barely did at my svelte 240. They said they had a bigger one, but even that didn't fit everyone and once or twice they had to sent people to the Vet School at LSU to use the equine MRI thing. Also they said the open MRI doesn't yield as accurate results.
I find out the results next week. The MRI was to eliminate the possibility of a disc problem. In the meantime he told me to hold off sports for a couple of days. Good thing that volleyball doesn't start until next week.
Today I went to the doctor. The x-rays showed nothing except what the doctor disturbingly called "normal spinal wear for a 34-year old." Also during my x-ray I got to wear this sweet dong shield. But to rule out some other causes of my neck pain he ordered an MRI.
Now I have no problem penetrating the MRI tube. I had one once before when I got peléed in the back of the head by an unopened beer bottle. But I was pretty loaded back then and don't remember too much. But there seems to be this big push toward "open" MRI machines because apparently peeps can't handle the tube. I used to think that thinking was ridiculously stupid but after lying in it for 15 minutes today and listening to all the sounds and almost not fitting in the first place, I'm downgrading my opinion to thinking those people are merely impractically stupid. Because I can see how it can be disconcerting. It made tons of different loud-ass noises. I found myself naming the noises and wishing I had some drumsticks to bang out some fills with while I was up in there. I named the noises the Click Track (which sounded like the metronome on your digital recorder), the Secret Lair (named so because it sounded like in Bond movies after he penetrates the villian's lair and sets it to self destruct it you hear whooooOOOOOOP! whooooOOOOOOP! whooooOOOOOOP!), the Jackhammer (THGTHGTHGTHGTHGTHGTHGTHGTHG), the Fallout Shelter (BLEAAARRRRGGG BLEAAARRRRGGG BLEAAARRRRGGG), the Space Invader (CHOO CHOO CHOO CHOO CHOO) and the Slippery Chinaman (TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI [crash]). Man that thing had some different noises. It's a good thing they gave me ear protection because it was loud as shit up in there. When I got out I axed them surely they got some fat asses who didn't fit, since I barely did at my svelte 240. They said they had a bigger one, but even that didn't fit everyone and once or twice they had to sent people to the Vet School at LSU to use the equine MRI thing. Also they said the open MRI doesn't yield as accurate results.
I find out the results next week. The MRI was to eliminate the possibility of a disc problem. In the meantime he told me to hold off sports for a couple of days. Good thing that volleyball doesn't start until next week.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
National Debt Hits 11 Trillion
Nilk. Can you explain to me how America won't be fucked if this continues? Won't the debt eventually crush us?
Monday, March 16, 2009
Astroturf= Shitty
We had our first regular season football game yesterday. The field was astroturf. I made a dive at the opposing quarterback as he ran by. I now have no skin on my left elbow and calf.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Rich's Links of the Day
Loud Farts Screw up city hall. I know you have seen this elsewhere but I gots to see it again.
How to guide to screw up the economy
How to guide to screw up the economy
Sunday, March 8, 2009
"Touch" Football
My touch football league is supposed to so easy they let girls play in it. Last season I got lit up worse than anything I ever got in rugby which is full contact and today I lit someone up worse than anything I ever gave in rugby except for one sweet hit where I laid this dude the fuck out. Oh man I wish I had that hit on tape cause it was naaaaaaaaaaaaaaasty.
Anyway, today we had our preseason game in touch. I was playing linebacker and taking away the easy over the middle short routes. The quarterback couldn't find anyone and tried to run for it to his right. I was leaning right when he took off so I had to cut quick to my left to catch him. Now you know how when you start off a sprint you bend way over low so you can propel yourself forward without falling backwards? I was about 3 steps into it and going pretty good when THUNK. I accidentally put my left should into this big fat chick's stomach who was running the other way. I got the better of it cause even though she out weighed me easily, she was vertical and I was low and driving my legs and my shoulder is a lot more solid than her flabby, squishy belly. Also I am a man and she is a girl, I mean, come on.
So down she goes in a heap. I would say it was a decleater but she was only in tennis shoes. I helped her up and asked if she was all right. She nodded and walked off the field but I know the look of someone with the wind knocked out of them. I felt pretty bad cause whenever I get the wind knocked out of me I literally think I might die and am scared. Seriously. I can't breathe for a few seconds try as I might. You need breath to live. I didn't do it on purpose though.
I played pretty crappy I thought cause I could never get open or something and the qb never threw to me. We lost. After the game I found out we had thrown the game so they wouldn't put us in a hard division and we might have a chance to win some games. Last season we got clobbered. So guess I didn't suck so bad after all cause the qb was just throwing to girls and the other team all the time.
After the game the team playing after us was short players so they drafted me to be their qb. Oh man. Sometimes you are on and sometimes you are off and today I was full on. You have 7 receivers in our league and I hit all of em at least 3 times apiece. I wasn't keeping track of completion percentage but it had to be close to 80. We just marched down the field on them ever time. Best two plays were when I hit a deep guy 30 yards downfield in stride for a td and when I hit a different deep guy 30 yards downfield in stride for a td. Shopping cart football seems to payoff.
I hope they put that team in the hard division cause I don't wanna play them. Especially if I am qbing for them. That would be too hard to defend and explain.
Anyway, today we had our preseason game in touch. I was playing linebacker and taking away the easy over the middle short routes. The quarterback couldn't find anyone and tried to run for it to his right. I was leaning right when he took off so I had to cut quick to my left to catch him. Now you know how when you start off a sprint you bend way over low so you can propel yourself forward without falling backwards? I was about 3 steps into it and going pretty good when THUNK. I accidentally put my left should into this big fat chick's stomach who was running the other way. I got the better of it cause even though she out weighed me easily, she was vertical and I was low and driving my legs and my shoulder is a lot more solid than her flabby, squishy belly. Also I am a man and she is a girl, I mean, come on.
So down she goes in a heap. I would say it was a decleater but she was only in tennis shoes. I helped her up and asked if she was all right. She nodded and walked off the field but I know the look of someone with the wind knocked out of them. I felt pretty bad cause whenever I get the wind knocked out of me I literally think I might die and am scared. Seriously. I can't breathe for a few seconds try as I might. You need breath to live. I didn't do it on purpose though.
I played pretty crappy I thought cause I could never get open or something and the qb never threw to me. We lost. After the game I found out we had thrown the game so they wouldn't put us in a hard division and we might have a chance to win some games. Last season we got clobbered. So guess I didn't suck so bad after all cause the qb was just throwing to girls and the other team all the time.
After the game the team playing after us was short players so they drafted me to be their qb. Oh man. Sometimes you are on and sometimes you are off and today I was full on. You have 7 receivers in our league and I hit all of em at least 3 times apiece. I wasn't keeping track of completion percentage but it had to be close to 80. We just marched down the field on them ever time. Best two plays were when I hit a deep guy 30 yards downfield in stride for a td and when I hit a different deep guy 30 yards downfield in stride for a td. Shopping cart football seems to payoff.
I hope they put that team in the hard division cause I don't wanna play them. Especially if I am qbing for them. That would be too hard to defend and explain.
I live Next to Columbia U's Music School
Right now there is french horn playing the Back to the Future theme. Fucking awesome.
The Gross Train
I was hanging out with Mark about 20 minutes ago. He lives in the classy part of town with ladies so I gotta take the train home. Fine, just so long as the train ride home aint nasssssty. Nope.
I got on at 72nd street. This huge mexican dude in a black sports jacket welcomed me aboard. A little too welcomy if you know what I'm saying. He high fived me and talked about shit I barely cared about for two stops.
At the third stop he slapped me on the right shoulder way too hard and said "dude, I don't think I'm gonna make it". Make what? What the hell is he talking about?
Well, less than 10 seconds later he is doubled up and puking all over some dude's shoes with gusto. Thankfully it wasn't my shoes but it was close enough that I really emphathized with the gross shoe dude. For about 3 more stops we had to stand in akward smelly silence with the puker and his victim. Soooooooo disgusting. One day if you save up maybe you can afford to live up here too!!!!
I got on at 72nd street. This huge mexican dude in a black sports jacket welcomed me aboard. A little too welcomy if you know what I'm saying. He high fived me and talked about shit I barely cared about for two stops.
At the third stop he slapped me on the right shoulder way too hard and said "dude, I don't think I'm gonna make it". Make what? What the hell is he talking about?
Well, less than 10 seconds later he is doubled up and puking all over some dude's shoes with gusto. Thankfully it wasn't my shoes but it was close enough that I really emphathized with the gross shoe dude. For about 3 more stops we had to stand in akward smelly silence with the puker and his victim. Soooooooo disgusting. One day if you save up maybe you can afford to live up here too!!!!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Advertisment
At the Subway station there is a poster for CNBC. It goes like this:
CNBC
Do You Know Where Your Money Is?
Some aspiring young advertising executive found some black spray paint and made his own edit to it so that it now says:
CNBC
now Where Your Money Is?
CNBC
Do You Know Where Your Money Is?
Some aspiring young advertising executive found some black spray paint and made his own edit to it so that it now says:
CNBC
now Where Your Money Is?
LSU Baseball
I know everyone's been clamoring for my 2009 report, so here it is. By the way Scoot, you got's ta invite John Chapman to this party.
I've had season tickets for years to this shit. But just this year they moved into a new park, which is AAA level. It's truly bad ass. Check it out on lsusports.net. Anyway, not too many losses this year and some great freshmen. First year since 1997 that they're guaranteed an Omaha berth. They lost their first game tonight, but the season still bodes well. For those of you who hate baseball, I hate you.
KEY LOSSES:
Jared Bradford - RHP (graduation)
Matt Clark - 1B (draft)
LINEUP:
2 Catcher: Soph. Micah Gibbs is back at batting cleanup. He's fantastic on defense and he's the only switch hitter on the team. Backup is Shawn Ochinko, who sounds like the guy Scoot saw slip on the ice the other day, but he's white as shit. B+
3 1B: Jr. Shawn Ochinko is back, for the first time at first base. He's been on a tear in the past few games, knocking in a ton and playing a serviceable first base. Definitely a candidate for Most Improved. His major league prospects are only harmed by the fact that he won't be able to find a position, being a second string college catcher. Aluminum bat hitter. A. He's backed up by F Grant Dozar, who also catches, and S Buzzy Haydel, the best defender on the team.
4 2B: Jr. Ryan Schimpf: Every time I write this dude's name in the scorebook I think I'm adding too many letters. But nope, they're all in there. Good hitter. Good bunter and base stealer, if you like that sort of think, which I don't. Backed up by black speed demon Sr. Chris McGhee and also Buzzy.
5 3B: Soph. Derek Helenihi: He moves from RF to his natural position. Which it turns out he's not that great at. He is the position player who needs to be looking over his shoulder the most. F Tyler Hanover has started a couple of games and looks good.
6 SS: Soph. D.J. LeMahieu: Carrie's heartthrob. He's gone after this year, being a 21-year old sophomore. Second-best defender on the club. Bats fifth and has the best average. Backup is F Austin Nola, the Catholic High standout who's gotten a few plate appearances, but shows nerves in the field.
7 LF: Jr. Blake Dean - The best hitter on the team. He has a terrible throwing arm, but he makes up for it with his bat. Third year of best hitter. Definite first rounder in May. Splits time at DH. More on backups later.
8 Soph. Leon Landry - Black dude. Slammed face first into the wall in last year's regional but held on to the ball, becoming a crowd favorite. Backed up by high-sock wearing Arab F Mikie Mahtook.
9 Soph. Jared Mitchell - He'll play through spring practice this year and join the football team as the #4 WR in August. Tied for Most Improved Player, as his plate discipline has skyrocketed this year.
DH: This position is split among McGhee, Sr. Nick Pontiff and Chad Jones (who will miss 20 days when he goes to spring football). Several times one of these dudes will play in the field while Dean DH's. It's all about the righty-lefty matchups.
RHP: Soph. Anthony Ranaudo - This dude rolled for 12 K's tonight, after killing 10 his last time out. He's taller than I am and totally dominant. He's a starter.
Soph. Austin Ross - Sinkerballer who hasn't lost yet. Lock for the SEC rotation.
Sr. Ryan Byrd has been MIA. F Shane Riedie started one game and lasted an inning. He needs work. F Matty Ott looks fantastic in relief. Soph. Daniel Bradshaw has had issues. They're eyeing him for the third SEC started, but I have my doubts. Sr. Louis Coleman should definitely be the Friday night dude, but Mainieri has decided he needs to be a "closer" so we'll see how that goes. History points to this being a mistake (with Bradford) so I expect to see him in the rotation by the middle of the conference season. Soph. Jordan Nicholson doesn't figure to see much action this season and may be redshirted. Sr. Nolan Cain was supposed to be a midweek starter but has been battling elbow trouble. Jr. Paul Bertucinni is a get-out-of-the-inning guy. And he's good at it. Soph. Ben Alsup may break into the rotation. F Spencer Mathews is the worst. He's gotten chances and hasn't converted yet.
LHP: Sr. Ryan Byrd must have something wrong with him because he doesn't have an app yet. Either that or they're redshirting him. F Randy Zeigler has gotten a couple of apps and also plays INF. He'll be OK. F Chris Matulis will probably be the regular midweek starter. He's got a big future with his breaker.
There you go. You'll notice a disturbing lack of lefthanded arms. It's a good thing they have six of nine lefty batters in the order, with Chad Jones and Grant Dozar coming off the lefty bench.
All in all this team looks fantastic. Barring injuries, we should see them play in June.
I've had season tickets for years to this shit. But just this year they moved into a new park, which is AAA level. It's truly bad ass. Check it out on lsusports.net. Anyway, not too many losses this year and some great freshmen. First year since 1997 that they're guaranteed an Omaha berth. They lost their first game tonight, but the season still bodes well. For those of you who hate baseball, I hate you.
KEY LOSSES:
Jared Bradford - RHP (graduation)
Matt Clark - 1B (draft)
LINEUP:
2 Catcher: Soph. Micah Gibbs is back at batting cleanup. He's fantastic on defense and he's the only switch hitter on the team. Backup is Shawn Ochinko, who sounds like the guy Scoot saw slip on the ice the other day, but he's white as shit. B+
3 1B: Jr. Shawn Ochinko is back, for the first time at first base. He's been on a tear in the past few games, knocking in a ton and playing a serviceable first base. Definitely a candidate for Most Improved. His major league prospects are only harmed by the fact that he won't be able to find a position, being a second string college catcher. Aluminum bat hitter. A. He's backed up by F Grant Dozar, who also catches, and S Buzzy Haydel, the best defender on the team.
4 2B: Jr. Ryan Schimpf: Every time I write this dude's name in the scorebook I think I'm adding too many letters. But nope, they're all in there. Good hitter. Good bunter and base stealer, if you like that sort of think, which I don't. Backed up by black speed demon Sr. Chris McGhee and also Buzzy.
5 3B: Soph. Derek Helenihi: He moves from RF to his natural position. Which it turns out he's not that great at. He is the position player who needs to be looking over his shoulder the most. F Tyler Hanover has started a couple of games and looks good.
6 SS: Soph. D.J. LeMahieu: Carrie's heartthrob. He's gone after this year, being a 21-year old sophomore. Second-best defender on the club. Bats fifth and has the best average. Backup is F Austin Nola, the Catholic High standout who's gotten a few plate appearances, but shows nerves in the field.
7 LF: Jr. Blake Dean - The best hitter on the team. He has a terrible throwing arm, but he makes up for it with his bat. Third year of best hitter. Definite first rounder in May. Splits time at DH. More on backups later.
8 Soph. Leon Landry - Black dude. Slammed face first into the wall in last year's regional but held on to the ball, becoming a crowd favorite. Backed up by high-sock wearing Arab F Mikie Mahtook.
9 Soph. Jared Mitchell - He'll play through spring practice this year and join the football team as the #4 WR in August. Tied for Most Improved Player, as his plate discipline has skyrocketed this year.
DH: This position is split among McGhee, Sr. Nick Pontiff and Chad Jones (who will miss 20 days when he goes to spring football). Several times one of these dudes will play in the field while Dean DH's. It's all about the righty-lefty matchups.
RHP: Soph. Anthony Ranaudo - This dude rolled for 12 K's tonight, after killing 10 his last time out. He's taller than I am and totally dominant. He's a starter.
Soph. Austin Ross - Sinkerballer who hasn't lost yet. Lock for the SEC rotation.
Sr. Ryan Byrd has been MIA. F Shane Riedie started one game and lasted an inning. He needs work. F Matty Ott looks fantastic in relief. Soph. Daniel Bradshaw has had issues. They're eyeing him for the third SEC started, but I have my doubts. Sr. Louis Coleman should definitely be the Friday night dude, but Mainieri has decided he needs to be a "closer" so we'll see how that goes. History points to this being a mistake (with Bradford) so I expect to see him in the rotation by the middle of the conference season. Soph. Jordan Nicholson doesn't figure to see much action this season and may be redshirted. Sr. Nolan Cain was supposed to be a midweek starter but has been battling elbow trouble. Jr. Paul Bertucinni is a get-out-of-the-inning guy. And he's good at it. Soph. Ben Alsup may break into the rotation. F Spencer Mathews is the worst. He's gotten chances and hasn't converted yet.
LHP: Sr. Ryan Byrd must have something wrong with him because he doesn't have an app yet. Either that or they're redshirting him. F Randy Zeigler has gotten a couple of apps and also plays INF. He'll be OK. F Chris Matulis will probably be the regular midweek starter. He's got a big future with his breaker.
There you go. You'll notice a disturbing lack of lefthanded arms. It's a good thing they have six of nine lefty batters in the order, with Chad Jones and Grant Dozar coming off the lefty bench.
All in all this team looks fantastic. Barring injuries, we should see them play in June.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Hey Rich. What songs of yers we should learn?
Alright alright quit breakin my ballz. Here are the songs you should know perfectly:
The Prettiest Girl In the Bar
2 Shots of Wizz Key
The Booom Shaka Laka Laka Boom Shaka Laka Laka Boom Shaka Laka Laka Laka Laka Blues
Hard Living Woman
Happy Anniversary
Little Dive Bar on the Back Woods Quarter Mile
She Caught My Eye
Paternity Test
Home Town Woman
Father Does Not Reside Here Any Longer
I Got Whiskey
#2 Girl
Party Gurl
Biscuits
Sweet Country Pussy
Miller Lite Drink It
The Prettiest Girl In the Bar
2 Shots of Wizz Key
The Booom Shaka Laka Laka Boom Shaka Laka Laka Boom Shaka Laka Laka Laka Laka Blues
Hard Living Woman
Happy Anniversary
Little Dive Bar on the Back Woods Quarter Mile
She Caught My Eye
Paternity Test
Home Town Woman
Father Does Not Reside Here Any Longer
I Got Whiskey
#2 Girl
Party Gurl
Biscuits
Sweet Country Pussy
Miller Lite Drink It
Some One Took a Dump on My Bed
We have been having a cold snap up here in NYC. The number one hazard with a cold snap around here is not that you will freeze to death but that you will get roasted to death in your apartment. They have this stupid heating system up here where they pump scalding hot steam into your apartment whether you like it or not. And you don't like it. You hate it. Who the hell likes to sweat inside? Jerks.
So the other night I am lying in bed just sweating to death. Without exaggeration it had to be over 100 degrees in there. Just stupid. I opened my window to let in some air but even though it was wide the fuck open it couldn't let in enough cold air to counteract the horrible pressure cooker radiator at the foot of the bed.
Luckily, I have another room where the radiator is broken. It ain't got a bed though but it has a couch. I dragged my blankets and pillows and stuff in there and had to snuggle up real good cause it was beautifully chilly in there. Problem solved.
So the next morning I go to get clothes from the bed room and wear them. My apartment is so old it doenst have light fixtures. You gotta plug in a lamp if you want light. I only have one lamp and it is in the other room cause you don't really need light in a bed room. You only lay down and sleep in there. And it's not like you need to turn on a light just to check that there is nothing waiting to jump out at you. It's not a horror movie. Nothing is gonna be hiding in your bedroom and then jump out and scare the shit out of you right?
Wrong! Something jumped out and scared the shit out of me. I couldn't see if it was a demon or a ghost or a Dracula or what cause it was dark and my eyes had not adjusted yet. But I could sure hear the shit out of whatever it was. It sounded like the whole room was atwitter with spooks. I tried to jump to the side to get away from whatever the hell it was but was impeded by my bicycle which I have to keep in my tiny bed room due to space constraints. Instead of leaping clear I banged my hip on the seat and kinda halfway somersaulted into my closet on my noggin.
From this vantage point I was able to see what manner of horror I was dealing with. Pigeons. A whole flock of pigeons had snuck in through the open window and were partying all over my stuff in their own little birdy sauna. Most of them bolted straight out the window and escaped but two were so stupid they just kept flapping around the room dropping filthy tufts of diseased feathers all over the place. I finally chased them out and closed the window and got my wearing clothes on and went to work.
That was 2 days ago. I have been on the coach the past couple of nights but today seemed warm enough that I could maybe sleep in the bed without dehydrating. So when I got home I went to move my blankets and such back into the bedroom when I noticed that the pigeons had left me a present. Little piles of green and white bird shit all over the bed and floor. If you ever get invited to a pigeons party do not go cause those fuckers got no class. So now I gotta stay on the couch again until the sheets get back from the cleaners and I have a new theory I am working on maybe making into a law one day:
Pigeons Suck.
So the other night I am lying in bed just sweating to death. Without exaggeration it had to be over 100 degrees in there. Just stupid. I opened my window to let in some air but even though it was wide the fuck open it couldn't let in enough cold air to counteract the horrible pressure cooker radiator at the foot of the bed.
Luckily, I have another room where the radiator is broken. It ain't got a bed though but it has a couch. I dragged my blankets and pillows and stuff in there and had to snuggle up real good cause it was beautifully chilly in there. Problem solved.
So the next morning I go to get clothes from the bed room and wear them. My apartment is so old it doenst have light fixtures. You gotta plug in a lamp if you want light. I only have one lamp and it is in the other room cause you don't really need light in a bed room. You only lay down and sleep in there. And it's not like you need to turn on a light just to check that there is nothing waiting to jump out at you. It's not a horror movie. Nothing is gonna be hiding in your bedroom and then jump out and scare the shit out of you right?
Wrong! Something jumped out and scared the shit out of me. I couldn't see if it was a demon or a ghost or a Dracula or what cause it was dark and my eyes had not adjusted yet. But I could sure hear the shit out of whatever it was. It sounded like the whole room was atwitter with spooks. I tried to jump to the side to get away from whatever the hell it was but was impeded by my bicycle which I have to keep in my tiny bed room due to space constraints. Instead of leaping clear I banged my hip on the seat and kinda halfway somersaulted into my closet on my noggin.
From this vantage point I was able to see what manner of horror I was dealing with. Pigeons. A whole flock of pigeons had snuck in through the open window and were partying all over my stuff in their own little birdy sauna. Most of them bolted straight out the window and escaped but two were so stupid they just kept flapping around the room dropping filthy tufts of diseased feathers all over the place. I finally chased them out and closed the window and got my wearing clothes on and went to work.
That was 2 days ago. I have been on the coach the past couple of nights but today seemed warm enough that I could maybe sleep in the bed without dehydrating. So when I got home I went to move my blankets and such back into the bedroom when I noticed that the pigeons had left me a present. Little piles of green and white bird shit all over the bed and floor. If you ever get invited to a pigeons party do not go cause those fuckers got no class. So now I gotta stay on the couch again until the sheets get back from the cleaners and I have a new theory I am working on maybe making into a law one day:
Pigeons Suck.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Set List
With gigs looking more and more likely I should put up the set list for potential Classaholics to be working on. Covers first:
Lay You Down. Conway Twitty
The Race is On. George Jones
East Bound and Down. Jerry Reed
When the Man Comes Around Johnny Cash
Cocaine Blues Johnny Cash
Mama Tried Merle Haggard
Take This Job And Shove Her David Allen Coe
I Still Miss Someone Johnny Cash
Sunday Morning Coming Down Kris Kristopherson
Coming Out My Back Door (poo poo poo) CCR
Ring of Fire June Carter
Angel Flying too Close William Nelson
Hey Good Looking Hank Williams Senor
Family Tradition Hank Williams Jr
Ballad of Curtis Lowe Lynard Skynard
Fine Time to Leave Me Lucille Kynard Rogers
If You Got the Money Honey Wyllard Nelson
Lay You Down. Conway Twitty
The Race is On. George Jones
East Bound and Down. Jerry Reed
When the Man Comes Around Johnny Cash
Cocaine Blues Johnny Cash
Mama Tried Merle Haggard
Take This Job And Shove Her David Allen Coe
I Still Miss Someone Johnny Cash
Sunday Morning Coming Down Kris Kristopherson
Coming Out My Back Door (poo poo poo) CCR
Ring of Fire June Carter
Angel Flying too Close William Nelson
Hey Good Looking Hank Williams Senor
Family Tradition Hank Williams Jr
Ballad of Curtis Lowe Lynard Skynard
Fine Time to Leave Me Lucille Kynard Rogers
If You Got the Money Honey Wyllard Nelson
Words I like to say instead of "Punched"
Slugged
Socked
Belted
Walloped
Pummeled
Bashed
Clobbered
Pounded
Lambasted
Clocked
Clout
Pelted
Socked
Belted
Walloped
Pummeled
Bashed
Clobbered
Pounded
Lambasted
Clocked
Clout
Pelted
Things Everyone Loves That Actually Suck
Watchmen
Hey! We have watches! We know what time it is! And we're blue! Weeeeeeeee!
Good lord am I ever sick of hearing about Watchmen. You can't go anywhere on the internet without seeing some bullshit about this stupid nerd book movie. I especially hate the big blue dude. Oooooooooh he's big and blue and superman weeeeeeee! How many more of these things are there that I have never heard of but millions of middle aged dorks have orgasms over?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Agent Fired
My first booking agent didn't do shit so he is out. But now I have a new dude so we will see if he can find good gigz.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Snow
It snowed Sunday and the residual is still all over the place. I was cruising around midtown when this middle aged china man got aholt of a nice little patch and busted his ass. It was awesome cause it took him about eight slippery steps to finally make it all the way down. If life were a cartoon the accompanying sound effect woulda gone like this:
TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI (cymbal crash)
TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI (cymbal crash)
Rich's Links of the Day
Stock Market Mimics Great Depression. I think people should start mimicking Great Depression people. I am gonna start saying "now see here" in every conversation to do my part.
Scary Skeletore Marine talks bout how he hates tyrannical government. I wonder if this means HeMan is a socialist?
Math Palendrome. 111,111,111 X 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
Obama's Policies Add to Economic Woe. Socialism sucks? Well I'll be goddamned.
I love the black dudes reaction when he first sees Rick Patino's white suit.
Scary Skeletore Marine talks bout how he hates tyrannical government. I wonder if this means HeMan is a socialist?
Math Palendrome. 111,111,111 X 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
Obama's Policies Add to Economic Woe. Socialism sucks? Well I'll be goddamned.
I love the black dudes reaction when he first sees Rick Patino's white suit.
Monday, March 2, 2009
New Poll
Jock hates Tabasco. He is stupid.
I don't mind Louisiana Hot Sauce but prefer Tabasco slightly. I am smart.
Who is right?
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Poll Over
The Obama Poll is Officially closed and from the results we are able to see that America will be exactly as worse as it was under Bush. AKA we are fucked. Bush ran up debt like no other and set us off down the road to socialism like no one before. Obama is continuing that trail. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
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