"Touch" Football

My touch football league is supposed to so easy they let girls play in it. Last season I got lit up worse than anything I ever got in rugby which is full contact and today I lit someone up worse than anything I ever gave in rugby except for one sweet hit where I laid this dude the fuck out. Oh man I wish I had that hit on tape cause it was naaaaaaaaaaaaaaasty.

Anyway, today we had our preseason game in touch. I was playing linebacker and taking away the easy over the middle short routes. The quarterback couldn't find anyone and tried to run for it to his right. I was leaning right when he took off so I had to cut quick to my left to catch him. Now you know how when you start off a sprint you bend way over low so you can propel yourself forward without falling backwards? I was about 3 steps into it and going pretty good when THUNK. I accidentally put my left should into this big fat chick's stomach who was running the other way. I got the better of it cause even though she out weighed me easily, she was vertical and I was low and driving my legs and my shoulder is a lot more solid than her flabby, squishy belly. Also I am a man and she is a girl, I mean, come on.

So down she goes in a heap. I would say it was a decleater but she was only in tennis shoes. I helped her up and asked if she was all right. She nodded and walked off the field but I know the look of someone with the wind knocked out of them. I felt pretty bad cause whenever I get the wind knocked out of me I literally think I might die and am scared. Seriously. I can't breathe for a few seconds try as I might. You need breath to live. I didn't do it on purpose though.

I played pretty crappy I thought cause I could never get open or something and the qb never threw to me. We lost. After the game I found out we had thrown the game so they wouldn't put us in a hard division and we might have a chance to win some games. Last season we got clobbered. So guess I didn't suck so bad after all cause the qb was just throwing to girls and the other team all the time.

After the game the team playing after us was short players so they drafted me to be their qb. Oh man. Sometimes you are on and sometimes you are off and today I was full on. You have 7 receivers in our league and I hit all of em at least 3 times apiece. I wasn't keeping track of completion percentage but it had to be close to 80. We just marched down the field on them ever time. Best two plays were when I hit a deep guy 30 yards downfield in stride for a td and when I hit a different deep guy 30 yards downfield in stride for a td. Shopping cart football seems to payoff.

I hope they put that team in the hard division cause I don't wanna play them. Especially if I am qbing for them. That would be too hard to defend and explain.