Books to Hold and Read

Yeah, that's right. I read books. Everybody look at the fancy boy. OOOOOOOO I think I'm soooo smart and like to say how the movie isn't as good as the book they made it from. Fine. Here is a list of books. It is not top ten list of the all time best books or anything it is just a list of books that I have read that are awesome. If you have an Amazon Ken Doll you should put these on it. Please tell me some awesome ones you know about that I haven't read and I will get on it.

The Autobiography of H.L. Menken.
(or the full trilogy "Happy Days", "Newspaper Days", and "Heathen Days")

You should actually read anything that Menken wrote. He is fantastically funny and clever. He didn't write fiction but was a newspaper editor and book reviewer and as a wonderfully funny way of describing everything. He also is responsible for coming up with a lot of the common expressions used today such as "those who can do, those who can't teach".

His autobiography is basically just a collection of amusing anti-dotes from his life. A couple of my favorites are the one where he and his buddy are desperately seeking alcohol in Tennessee during prohibition and another one where this fat bastard in a tavern eats and drinks absurd amounts and everyone bets on it.

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (Mark Twain)

I am such a bad ass that this has been my favorite book of all time long before I even knew that the literary community generally agrees. If you haven't read it yet, get going. It's a story of a boy in antebellum Missouri who escapes down the Mississippi river on a raft with a runaway slave. It is a great story but more importantly is very well written and has a subtext of social commentary and is laugh out loud funny in places which is hard to do with a book.

A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court (Marcus T'Wayne)

As with Menken you should pretty much read anything Twain wrote. He was cleverer than you and writes better than basically anyone. This one is about a Connecticut yankee man who somehow gets blasted back to the middle ages and has all kinds of trouble and adventure with the idiot mindset of middle ages jerks. It is also a commentary of stupid crap of current society. There are some laugh out loud bits in this one as well.

Mysterious Stranger (Mark Twain)

I don't want to give away any spoilers on this one. It is probably my second favorite book and isn't funny at all. In fact it is absolutely soul crushing.

Harry Potter. All of them. (JK Rowling)

I know these are supposed to be children's books but they are well written and fun to read. I also don't need to hear about plot holes and implausability. It's not "believable shit that could actually happen", it's "the magic boy who flys around on a broom". Calm down and enjoy yourself.

Lord of Them Flies (William Golding)

A plane load of English school boys crashes on a deserted island during WWII and no adults survive. This one is an absolute treat.

Catch 22 (Joseph Heller)

This is a WWII novel that is so cleverly written and funny I have to read passages again to re-enjoy. It is set mainly in a bomber squadron camp. There are quite a few wonderful circular logic conundrums that arise in this one. The main one goes like this. If you are crazy then military rules say you don't have to fly your dangerous mission. However, if you don't want to fly your dangerous mission then that proves you are sane because only someone who is crazy would want to fly it. Since you are sane you now have to fly the deadly bomb run. There are also a lot of interesting situations and side stories. My favorite being when the guys go to visit the fat French whore who attracts business by snapping her huge panty waist at the guys passing by.

Watership Down (Richard Adams)

This is the story of bunny rabbits that hop across the countryside in search of a new home. Sounds terrible. It isn't. Martin always says it's not the story so much as the telling that makes it good and that is true of this one. I also recently found out this one has a sea quill so I will have to check that one out to see if is even close.

Of Mice and Men (John Steinbeck)

Two drifters go work on ranch for a little bit. One is normal, one is a big strong dummyhead who likes to pet furry animals. Another example where the telling makes all the difference.

To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee)

This one is kinda like two books in one. There is the first part where it is about a girl in I think it was small town Mississippi growing up. Then midway through it turns into a whole racial injustice thing with a black dude falsely accused of raping the SHIT out of a white girl.