Big Ass Crab Pic

Rich's Links of the Day

John Stossel loves Social Security

Walter E Williams Loves Rich People.

Bullriders are nuts. Would you ride the bull for $100,000?

Dude Rapes Blowup Dolls. I can't imagine having sex with a blowup doll is any kind of fun. Also I am kinda scared of those dolls. They are creepy.



Wendy's training Video. Now tell me you like McDonald's better.

Straight Male Hooker. Do ladies acutally need to pay for sex? Can't they just be slutty?

Movie Review: VALKYRIE

Martin and I went to see Valkyrie last night on 42nd Street. Afterwards we decided to pop into a nearby bar for one pint then head home. Well, the first pint didn't so much quench our thirst as whet it so we got another. 5 pints in Martin decides to switch to bourbon. We had to leave because all of a sudden someone kept ripping the smelliest farts in the world and would not stop. It wasn't either of us cause we went outside to get some air and went we came back the son of a bitch was still at it. It was unbelievable how prodigious this smelly gentleman was at laying these things down. We never got a break from it. Once I smelled it the first time it was never not invading my nose so we downed our drinks and left.

Martin still wanted to party so we caught a cab to the Emerald Inn. As soon as we entered the bartender skoots around from behind the bar and kicks Martin out. I don't know what Martin had done entering that made the guy wanna kick him out. Either he is really good at spotting drunks or he just hates Martins. We wound up at the Irish pub behind Papaya on 72nd street. I don't remember how many more we had but Martin was lapping me left and right. I think I drink pretty fast but this dude was smoking me.

Eventually we left and I caught the train home. I felt pretty wretched this morning but nothing I ain't used to. Martin didn't text me till late afternoon to say he had been so drunk he couldn't figure out how to get home, puked on two trains and eventually fell asleep in some park on a bench.

Morale of the story: Go see Valkyrie. It's fun as shit.

Rich's Links of the Day

Upside Down and Naked on a Ski Lift. This is everywhere today. It is here too.

(I swear, if someone asks me how's it hanging one more fucking time....)

Best and worst jobs. I have had none of these jobs listed but I think there are tons better jobs than Mathematician. How about professional hockey player or TV star?

DNA Appears to be Telepathic. I never understand anything.


Cool Billboard pics.

Cancun

Hey Mark. Remember that time I didn't want to go to Cancun but you convinced me to go at the last minute and I didn't think it was gonna be awesome but then it was?

Conspiracy Nuts

I got into a discussion the other day with a guy who adamantly believed that the government was actively trying to kill everyone. He had numerous examples one of which being that airplanes leave behind contrails. He says these contrails or actually chemicals poisoning everyone. I asked his dumbass if the government bad guys wouldn't have more sense than to poison themselves along with everyone else if that was indeed their scheme. Seems to me that even Dr. Evil type arch villians have to breathe. That didn't slow him down a step. He has it all figured out and knows for certain that poisonous chemicals are being dumped on us constantly.


(Aug. 17th 2008 Witchita, KA a seemingly innocent airplane passes overhead)


(20 Minutes Later)

Turns out this is kind of a pretty widespread conspiracy theory and plenty of nuts are into it. Check out this video explaining it all set to a freaky freaky dance remix.

If you have a hard time swallerin all this like me check out this rebuttal video put together by that soft spoken southern boy in the wheelchair from the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Changing Tude of Bums

Am I the only one who has noticed that bums are getting more aggressive? Used to be that bums were the politest, smelliest group in the world. You could completely shun and ignore them and they would still say thank you and God bless as you walked by leaving them empty handed.


(This dude needed subway fair to his job interview)

Recently though I have noticed that some will start following you down the block a little ways asking multiple times for drug money. One bum even called me a mother fucker when I dissed him a week ago. I nearly lost my temper on him before I remembered that I have no desire to get hauled into the precinct office for smoking a hobo (also I didn't want to have to boil my fist in disinfectant). Anyway, do you think this is symptom of the overall economy being shitty or something else? Whatever it is I hope it goes back to regular soon cause bums are a pain in the fuck.


(Don't feel sorry for this character. Actually, the Sleepy Burrito is the newest fad in avant garde, ergonomic bedding)

Rich's Links of the Day

The IRS is Wonderful.

Terrorists to Use Insect Bombs. I thought it was only God who could smite you with Locusts.

Every Kid is Allergic to Nuts Now. When I was little no one was allergic to nuts. Looks like we have in one generation evolved into a race of pussies.

Pepsi is Suing itself. I thought those Coke Zero ads were a joke. I think Markulus is somehow involved here.

Fast shooting Gun Dude from the 70's.

Awesome Old School Country Song

EAST BOUND AND DOWN



That sweet sweet song from Smokey and the Bandit by Jerry Reed. My parents never let me watch Smokey and the Bandit but I imagine I would have loved it.

Rich's Links of the Day

World's Biggest Liger. It sure looked like a Tigon to me.

Who Saw the Housing Collapse Coming? Lilero has been fortelling it for years as well as the stock market downfall.

Bed Bugs are Back. All the old solved problems are coming back around again. Pirates, Great Depressions and I swear I am coming down with a full on case of the Vapors.

Ricky Gervais Hates Fat People. He kinda on the border of self loathing I think.

Monster Crosses. Memphis gives Baton Rouge a run for its money.

Scientist are getting close to making you invisible. Now all I need is a time machine.

Link

For Markulus Only.

For Jock Only.

For Me Only.

TELTAS (Things Everyone Loves That Actually Suck):

McDONALD'S


(Why aren't this kid's parents arrested?)

McDonald's is everydamnwhere. There is no Chili's in Manhattan but you better believe there are a few hundred McDonald's hanging about. Why? Why does everyone love this greasy shit? Is it THAT good? Of course not. There are plenty of places to go that are just as unhealthy as McDonald's but with tons better food. Or you could just stay home make your own burgers which are always tons better than any fastfood place even if Jock makes 'em with the beef patties soooooo fucking thick even after you ask him not to that you hate it and resent him.

Anyway, the point here is not that the food at McDonald's is the worst food in the world. It's just that for that level of grease and heart disease you should really be enjoying yourself a hell of a lot more.

Isreal and Palestine

1. Why can't these people work this shit out already?

2. Why the hell does everyone care so much?


Seriously, these guys have been at this ever since I can remember and then some. Get over it already you bunch of jerks. We have different races in America and somehow we manage not to constantly be rocket launching, tank crushing and suicide bombing each other all the damn time. Grow up losers.


(Palestinian Gen. Abdul Jabuai prepares to launch anti-tank ordinance at oncoming Israeli Tank)

And for the rest of the world. Just back the hell up and let them handle their business. I swear, it is the two tiniest countries in the world. If the entire continent of Africa can be at war and nobody thinks twice about it, I think a patch the size of New Jersey shouldn't be that big a deal. These pricks hate each other. Let them have their stupid war if they want and let's stop dragging the whole world along into it. If I get nuked over some sweaty bastards chucking pebbles in Gaza I am gonna be pissed (and dead).

Rich's Links of the Day

Rubberband Man. I want 4 70's dudes in blue tuxedos to dance at my gigs.

Ski Jump Pics. Would take a run off the big ramp right now for $500,000? No practice no nothing. Just straight up balls and injury.

Raise the Gas Tax. Remember that time the government wanted to fuck you over by raising your taxes because it could?

Thomas Sowell Article. This is the black guy that should be president.

Cop Grab Dude Penis. You probably saw this elsewhere but it not....

Awesome Old School Country Song

The Race by George Jones. My favorite part is when Bob Smith from Bob & Bob's Firearm Shed sings the high part in the chorus. Also, the baby blue suits.

One Trillion Dollar Bailout to the 50 States

Some Governors are requesting ONE TRILLION dollars be given to bailout failing state governments. What the shit is everyone thinking? Where is all this bailout money coming from? Doesn't the federal government get its money by taxing the citizens that live in the states? Isn't this just a flow of money from states to feds back to states? How about just LOWER TAXES? No of course not. Never that.

Rich's Links of the Day

Yellowstone will explode and kill us all. Screw worrying about terrorists with nukes or the coming great depression. Wrath of God is where it's at.

James Randy's Page. Been a while since I went here. It's always fun to check out what crazy people get up to.

Here's a map of the area where you will definitely die if you are there when Yellowstone goes off. The lucky rest of us will only probably die and much more slowly and painfully.

Martin's Wingsuit Video. I don't really get tired of looking at this.

Strange Things in the Universe. Magnets somehow didn't make the list.

Looks like Bob and Bob's has some competition.

Remember That Time?

Remember That Time is a category of jokes that Scoot claims to have invented. The punch line is that when you say "Remember that time?" you're referring to something that hasn't happened yet. As in, "Remember that time you went and got me a beer while you were up?" It can also be used to refer to something that just happened, the joke being that you seem to be asking about something in the distant past but in actuality it was immediately previous. It was this usage when I first heard it. Scoot, Artie and I were burning shit in my backyard and I put a wide board on the fire and the flames were lapping around it but I wasn't satisfied with the speed of burning, so I went got my drill and drilled some holes in it so the flames and oxygen could burn it from the inside out too. Scoot made fun of me for doing it until he saw how well it was working, which was a span of 10 seconds, after which he said, "Remember that time you stopped drilling holes in that board and I got pissed off at you?"

(Artie and Miki)

Well I immediately picked it up and started using it, the extreme example being on my road trip to Little Rock for the LSU-Arkansas game. We stayed with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and I started using it around him and he, quite unexpectedly, started using it too. On the way back was when it really got out of hand. Nathan and I picked up Miki in Shreveport and I would estimate that, between Shreveport and Baton Rouge, nine out of every 10 sentences we said to each other began that way.

So I told Scoot the other day how viral Remember That Time became, and I cited the KF reference, and he flew off the handle. He claims ownership of the joke, which is fine (though a quick google search will reveal that everyone says it), but what really pissed him off was that I told KF. Apparently Scoot thought, correctly, that KF would really run with it, and HE wanted to be the one to tell him. Oh well.

Hey, remember that time when Scoot and I started a blog and then didn't invite anyone so we ended up telling stories to each other that we already told in person?

Bad Ass Item of the Week: ROBBIE MADISON

Did everyone see this dude ramping up and and down the arc de triumph? Holy shit that looks scary. The only thing keeping him from crippling death is the chance that he might land on a motorcycle. People say motorcycles are dangerous but I think this proves they are safe. I think instead of parachutes we should give our fighter pilots motorcycles in their ejection seats.

Rich's Links of the Day

Santa Claus is SATAN! I had a hell of a time reading this article at Grandma's house on Christmas. Some people take things waaaaaaaay to seriously.

17 Molecules that changed the world. The title says molecules but I know some of them are actually just atoms. Still interesting though.

Using Global Warming to Redistribute Wealth. Wait, they don't actually just care about saving the environment but want to enact socialism too? Weird.

Cool Pictures of Stuff.

Cajun JetSkiing. Very Simular to the Cajun Water Skiing Jock and I did over Christmas break.

Sharks Have Relatively Weak Bites. Well shit, I guess I ain't scared of them no more.