Unicycling

I am much better now at shit I used to think as hard like off roading.  It's still pretty hard but the stuff I used to think was hard is very easy.  The stuff I now think is hard actually is.  Steep inclines, drop offs, jumping over shit.  Stuff like that is as hard as it looks.  Fun though.  Trouble is no one else is into retarded shit like unicycling so I gotta do it myself.

2 year take off

First post in two years. I am sure everyone is thrilled.  What happened in two years? Nothing  :(

You wanted it

You got it.

Slow News Day

Sometimes small town newspapers don't have much to print.

Tricky

Apparently in the 60's some French song writer tricked they 60's french version of Miley Ray Cyrus into singing a song about anise suckers that was actually about sucking dicks and it caused a big hub bub. In France. Not here which is why you never heard of it.

Bored

Today I got bored and was reading a boring story about flags when it quoted some dude I know.

Keese Probly Like This

Or Maybe not. But Probly.

Skiing

I think it's time to go skiing again. Turns out I was doing it wrong.

Stare at the dot

Stare it up.

Thai Fighters

Fun fight to wotch.

Moutain Bike Unicycling

My new unicycle is designed for the hardcore shit. So today I decided to try some off road riding. And by off road riding I mean falling down in the woods. Man that shit is hard.

Level 2

I am level 2 now. I finally learned to get on left footed. It was so impossible last week and now I can't believe how easy it is. Level 3 is gonna be tough cause I have to learn how to jump up curbs and go backwards. Not even close yet.

Nerd Werd fun

You can keep saying buffalo over and over like a jackass and it counts as a valid english sentence. Everyone will still hate you though.

Trasfomrmer Owl

Watch yall

Annoyance

One of the downsides of unicycles is everyone always looks at you. No matter what they are doing they will stop and look at you. Also, a lot of people just yell shit at you. They're all "hey, nice going!" or "that looks really hard!" or "your fly's open!" I should charge companies to ride around holding a sign for them cause they would get a shit ton of views.

Dang Ole Hobos

So I was riding my Nimbus around the neighborhood last Friday. I am back up to level 1 again cause I can get on the thing now. Actually I can do all the level 2 tricks except getting on left footed so I should work on that. Anyhow, I was coming home when I rounded the corner on the home stretch and saw a rickety old lady creeping around the front yard. She had long unkempt gray hair and was just ambling around with no apparent purpose.

I hopped off to watch what she was up to when she made a turn and got a look at her face and saw she had a gnarly old beard. I now knew I was dealing with a hobo. I quickly scanned the area and didn't see no banjos so I could only assume it was the stabbin kind. Sick. This dude doesn't need this.

Whatever he was up to he wasn't leaving the yard as I would have liked but just kinda marionette walking around in front of the porch. Finally he starts of the steps and makes like he is gonna go inside. I hadn't locked the door and didn't want a smeller loose in the house so I yelled at him. He froze and backed down the steps and then collapsed in the yard. Great. Free dead hobo.

I just looked at him for a while and I guess he got bored of the ground cause he stood up. When he stood up it was way more agile and lithe than when he went down and it creeped me out cause drunk old hobos have no business being that spry. I wondered if maybe I was dealing with a zombie. You know, one of those zombies that looks half dead but then is really fast and hard to escape when it is chasing after your brains. Terrible.

So He makes to go inside again and I yell again and walk up on him and ask if he is alright. He says nothing but stands with his back to me. I ask again. He kinda grumbles out "can I have a glass of water?". It was at this point I realized that I didn't need a glass of water at all. What I needed was a cooler of beers and a hi five brigade cause what I was dealing with was a wigged out Mark.

I was expecting more awesome dudes to show up but they didn't which was fine cause I know what to do with one. We went and did drunk go-cart racing then ms pacman football beers till Sunday when he had to leave. Best weekend ever.

Cool Squid

Animals are awesome.

Got New Unicycle

I wore the shit out of my little baby unicycle already so I had to get another one. Got a Nimbus 2000. I wanted a Firebolt but that thing was way too expensive. Not sure why they name unicycles after brooms.

The Nimbus is a bad as 26" heavy duty thing. I had a 20" and was a level 1 according to the skill level thing I found online. On the 26" I am a level zero again. That thing is hard to get on. It is a dream on the grass though. The little girl used to get caught up in divots and send me sprawling but the big boy rolls right over that shit.

Of course I can't really turn either.

German routing

Ok, for some reason my internet in NC is routed through a server in Germany. So what happens is my stuff is translated by computer into German and then retranslated back into English by computer. This caused some confusion at first but I am now aware of the issue so that explains some things. I recently went to check out some of the songs I have posted online and was somewhat baffled. Let's see if you can figure out which song the fourth reich is rocking out to (keep in mind these are songs that I wrote that the Germans hijacked to scare their children with):

Kick Ass Band (Mehr lesen)

The Gross Train (Mehr lesen)

Real Life Horror Movie (Mehr lesen)

Nother New Song (Mehr lesen)

2 New Songs Up

Level 1

Ok. I feel ok saying I am a level one unicyclist now. I can no get on the stupid thing and ride. Level 2 will be a while coming cause I will have to get on left footed which I have zero practice at. Will take several weeks.