Things That Everyone Loves That Actually Suck New Years

Here is something timely that everyone loves but actually sucks:

The ball dropping in Times Square.


I can think a fewer things LESS fun than going down to Times Square tonight. First of all, Times Square is awful to begin with. It is always crowded so that you can't take a single step that isn't contested. Jerks from out of town are constantly in the way and stopping to point at the M&M store. I swear. It is a store that sells M&M's. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Glad I spent tons of money to get here and see that. No store sells M&M's where I'm from. Shitville.

Tonight Times Square is going to be so packed you won't be able to move. The cops are going to keep you herded into blocked off areas where you will smooshed against a million other pricks and you won't be able to leave and get back in. Sooooo, no bathroom. Also, No Alcohol. That's right losers. You get to stand (not sit in comfort) squished against a flock of strangers, with nowhere to take a leak on New Year's Eve and you are banned from enjoying a New Year's toast like you are some kind of child. Awful.

Also, it's freezing. New York is gonna be 0 degrees this year. Celsius first then Fahrenheit. So you get the physical torture of unbearable cold to go along with your smooshed, no peeing, sober existance. And what is it you are waiting to see? Something interesting? Hell no. A ball of lights slowy desending a few yards. They only say they are gonna drop it to make it sound good. If they actually dropped a multi-ton ball of crystal and electronics onto a crowded city block it might be worth taking a look. But no, it is only a slow elevator down for a few seconds and then you have to go home to make your resolutions which generally include as number one:

Next Year? ANYTHING ELSE.

Things That Everyone Loves That Actually Suck

I am starting a list. Things that everyone loves that actually suck. I am sometimes amazed at how many people can absolutely be fanatic about somethings that at are so horrible and stupid. If you have an addition just let me know and I will consider adding it. There will be a full list later but just to get it started:

BATMAN:

Are you kidding me? What are you a bunch of children? Batman is what everyone likes still? Please. BOOOOOOOORING. Same plot for every damn movie. Batman runs around trying to look super cool and serious. Bad guys try to cause havoc whilst dressed like dumbass clowns. Stupid chase scene ensues involving fancy transport device that would break and kill you if you ever tried to use it in real life. Bad guys get thwarted in boring fashion. Idiots are amused and may even applaud during credits which is retarded cause Batman can't hear you through a movie screen.

Links of the Day

Border Patrol Agent tries to corral a van load of Mexicans. This clip wouldn't be that funny if not for the goofy music they put over it. I personally would have preferred the Mexican hat dance song. That song is awesome.

The Depressionator. No better way to mark the new year than to see examples of what the ravages of time do to people. You'd think there would have been a scientist by now.

Beer Ads from the 80's. If I could have a job it would be writing jingles for beer. By far the best one is Head for the Mountains of Busch. How come there is not a single thing done by humans that doesn't look incredibly shitty and cheesy in retrospect?

Atomic Spy. When America gets lit up a crazy Muslim with an atom bomb we can thank this dude.

Battle at Kruger. You probably saw this already but it is worth seeing again anyway. A baby cow gets caught by tigers, chewed up by alligators and rescued by his friends. If cows knew how to high five they would be doing it at the end of this video.

Rich Mann

So we played a Rich Mann show at North Gate Tavern the other night, minus Mark who would rather spend time with his cousin. Who does that? It was Mark's idea not only to play the gig, but to do it that night. Then all of a sudden he's gotta see his cousin, whom he could have just as easily brought to the gig. So we had to make it an acoustic show. Here's the setlist:

Party Gurl
Boom Shaka Laka Boom Shaka Laka Boom Shaka Laka Blues
Paternity Test
I Got Whiskey
She Caught My Eye, I Caught Her Chlamydia
Hello Mary Lou
Two Shots Of Whiskey
*Not In Nottingham
*Makin' Biscuits
*Daddy Don't Live Here
*#2 Woman
*Baby Does
Hometown Woman
Good Ol' Fashioned Country Love Song
Save The Fattest Girl For Me
Coming Home
LSU Alma Mater
Whatever Else I'm Forgetting
Sweet Cuntry Pussy

*Rich solo

Here's the setlist of songs we didn't play:
The Dog Song (too damn long)
Julia (couldn't country it up enough)
Freak Down (didn't have the drums)
Louisiana Saturday Night (no the drums)

We had a few people watching us which was cool, and the beers at this place are a dollar each, which is also cool. So other than Mark pussing everything up, it all went down pretty well.

Bad Ass Item of the Week: AUTOGYROS

Autogyros are basically flying go carts. They look like crappy little helicopters but their main rotor is free floating and doesn't require a rear stabilizing rotor so they are much easier to fly and don't crash if the engine cuts off. You can fly them very slow and low which to me is the best part of flying. I doze off in airplanes at 30,000 feet but I love to look out on take off and landing when you can see what the hell is going on. If you don't believe autogyros are fun as shit just look at this video and shut the hell up.

Shopping Cart Football

One of the more fun things that happened on the trip to Baton Rouge was me and my buddy Jock's regular sessions of shopping cart football. Shopping cart football is exactly what it sounds like and exactly as awesome. One dude gets in the cart with the ball, the other dude gives him a shove and yells "hike", first dude tosses the ball back over his head to the shover who rolls out and heaves it back to the first guy who by this time is about 20-30 yards down field and catches and spikes it. You get more points the further away you are when you complete a pass but we never actually get around to keeping score cause it is so damn hard to catch anything. Unless the throw is perfect it is damn near impossible to catch. You don't realize how terrible you are at throwing when your target can take a step to the right or left or speed up a little. When you are stuck in a cart any slight miscalculation results in an airball and loss of self esteem. Still, it is damn fun and we had a few bad ass connections including one that I nabbed one handed and nearly tumping over on 2 wheels.

First Post

Just got back from Baton Rouge. I played a show at the North Gate Tavern near LSU. Here is a promotional flyer for the show that gets most of the info wrong. Maybe I will think of something more interesting to post later. Maybe I won't and no one will ever read this horrible blog. That seems more likely.